» Weddings

An alcoholic's blood would appear not to be thicker than water......
My dear old dad, he used to like a drink, which, to his credit he's now managed to kick. Unfortunately this was a deciding factor in my folks divorce when I was a fragile 10 year old.

During this hedonistic time of Special Brew filled evenings he had managed to start seeing a new woman fairly frequently, but no amount of alcohol can really excuse neglecting to invite myself, my brother and our brand-new stepbrother and sister to the wedding that the two of them had enjoyed whilst we were at school one day.

Cheers then.
(Thu 14th Jul 2005, 23:13, More)

» Stupid Tourists

At least there weren't many people watching.....
The American lady being interviewed on 5 News after the bombings referring to Londoners as Londoneers.

Bless.
(Sat 9th Jul 2005, 17:36, More)

» Crappy Prizes

Nice one.
Local radio cryptic quiz. Kept listening as people repeatedly gave the wrong answer, so through annoyance as much as anything I rung up and gave the correct one (answer was Superman but the questions elude me). Anyhow, they make good their promise and later that week I get an envelope.

Well excited I get me Dad to drive me to the radio station. Stride in and hand the envelope to the 'stunning' receptionist. The stunning part being that he was so fat he had to lean backwards in order to walk forwards as he begrudgingly (TBH, it musta been an effort) shuffled off and retrieved my prize.

My thoughts were racing as I bounced around the reception waiting for him to return. And return he did, slapping a Lantern FM mug in my hand with a "Cheers".

Cheers indeed. It was so unfeasibly filthy I didn't know where the scum finished and the logo began, yet even that didn't hide the fact it was pre-cracked.

They may well have found it funny at the time, but I ain't tuned in since. Who's laughing now?!

/sniff

(Oh no. I was proof reading this and I was gonna add about how I always wondered what they had been using something that 'scummy' for. It was a lie though cos I hadn't ever wondered what they had been using it for. Not til now)
(Sun 7th Aug 2005, 20:01, More)

» Now, there was no need for that...

Hmmm.
After a night on the beer, which there was every need for, I get home and make my way to bed. Cue night of freaky dreams, one of which was of filling a shoe with wee (which I didn't recall immediately after I woke up). Bizarre, but dreams are like that. Wake up late but in a surprisingly dry bed. Nice. Bit of a headache, but on the whole things could be worse. Leggit downstairs in an effort to get to work on time to be greeted by a lone trainer in the middle of the floor. Almost as if in my drunken state I had prepped myself for a smooth transaction into work mode.

The squelch as my foot slid in made me realise I was far from that efficient.

Arse.

Pales into comprison to a friend who after a good night's drinking slipped off a kerb and ended up chewing the towing-hitch of a parked car. Probably woulda been OK if he had opened his mouth. Still, I spose his teeth stopped the hitch from punching a hole through the back of his neck......
(Sat 18th Jun 2005, 23:55, More)

» Scary Neighbours

A smack dealer...
...lives next door to me. Pesky bloaty-headed-skinny-bodied freaks walking up and down your street gets annoying. It's amazing how the Police battering your neighbour's front door off it's hinges early on a Saturday morning can wake you up.

I'm not a fan of fireworks and I don't think he is either after vaulting over some railings with a knife to confront the people who let some off late at night and woke their poor smackhead-to-be baby.

Then there was the time he broke the window of a passing car (I have no idea how he broke the window of a moving car) after she had hooted her horn several times at a rediculous hour in the morning.

To be fair, she was pissing me off too.
(Mon 29th Aug 2005, 3:11, More)