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» Pointless Experiments

George's Marvellous Medicine
Any small boy who wraps his grubby little mind around this Dahl masterpiece can't help but be "inspired" to invent their very own marvellous medicine. It's not like you need to follow any of the recipes in the pages to a tee either. George himself tried several variations and ended up with a variety of amazing results, the possibilities were endless! His medicines made things balloon in size, shrink to the size of a coin or grow incredibly long legs! Brilliant!

My rabbit died.
(Tue 29th Jul 2008, 9:05, More)

» Housemates

DIY Sauna
If your flat is small enough, and you can match each hob with a suitably sized pot, then you too can emulate the experience of the Finland sauna!


- 1 oven, with a minimum of 4 hobs.
- 4 suitably sized pots.
- 1 kettle.


1. Start by closing all the doors and windows in your flat. This is important to prevent any steam escaping. You can take your shirt off at this stage to expose your rippling abs, but I prefer to wait until later.

2. Fill four pots with cold water, fire up four hobs (maximum temperature) and bring them all to boil.

3. Fill up the kettle and set it to boil.

4. When the kettle is done, top up the hobs with boiling water where necessary.

5. Repeat steps 3 and 4 until...

6. Sauna!

7. Remove your shirt to expose your rippling abs (Optional).

Remember! There's nothing more heterosexual than four grown men sitting around in their own sweat, shirts off, guts abs out, watching Bonnie Tyler count down the greatest power ballads of all time.
(Mon 2nd Mar 2009, 11:26, More)

» Housemates

Surviving in Halls
First year was absolutely terrible for the sheer amount of abuse pulled on each other. It all kicked off when Kev arrived back after christmas, 24 packets of Bachelor's finest Super Noodles in tow. This was unacceptable. The first time poor Kevin came to whip up a batch, he found that his loving housemates affectionally poured copious amounts of salt and sugar over the noodles, effectively ruining what would be a delicious meal. Four packets later, Kev gave up, and the house became a much less comfortable place to live in from that point on. So, for your convenience, here are a list of rules and guidelines to living in a student flat:

* Always keep your keys on you at all times. Where possible, hold them tightly in your palm. This is important, as if someone steals them from the soap-holder while you're showering, you will be wearing your towel until they return for the day.

* Keep your room LOCKED at all times. If you fail to acknowledge this rule and happen to be away from the flat, the ramifications are dire. They may include having your entire room packed away as if you were never there, your entire room moved piece by piece to the top floor of the block of flats, or your entire room being neatly compacted into the shower cubicle. If you happen to be IN the flat, perhaps watching TV in the front room with your keys left in your door, then the consequences are still somewhat unfortunate. Be prepared for three sweaty men to barricade themselves in your room and spend the next 12 hours or so eating your entire box of Space Raiders and watching Disney films.

* If it's past bedtime, should some slumbering oaf leave their keys lying around, it is your responsibility to place them into a plastic tupperware container. Now, fill this container with water and simply add it to the freezer. Do not put them in the oven.

* Should someone decide it's appropriate behaviour to wear a hat indoors, simply pluck the offending headwear from the perpetrator's peak, open any nearby window, and discard it.

* Hair Mousse is unacceptable. Fortunately, when such bottles are pierced, they will explode and pretty much cover a room. Lesson learned.

* Shaving foam is unacceptable.

* A wardrobe and a suitably placed chair make for an effective prison.

* It is important to ascertain exactly how far the shower-head can be pulled out, as it may prove to be an effective weapon.

* Always check your toothbrush for little chunks of garlic. If you find little chunks of garlic, you will almost certainly need to replace your toothbrush. Perhaps keep a spare?

* Passing out naked effectively renders your body a whiteboard.

* Before you use the microwave, check the top of it for Blu-tac. Irradiated Blu-tac does not add to the smell of a house, nor is it an acceptable condiment.

* If you're going to eat beans, do not leave half a tin in the already busy fridge unless you want the rest of the beans to taste noticably different. If you can't manage a full tin of beans, then you deserve this difference.

I'm sure there are several more, but I think that's a good start.
(Mon 2nd Mar 2009, 10:47, More)

» Well, that taught 'em

My flatmate Molly did lots of things that would be unusual for a human, but rather commonplace for a household pet such as a dog! To teach her a lesson, I got a man to kill her.

But it's alright! It turns out Molly was actually my pet dog, and not really my flatmate at all!! This was all just a really funny story where I cleverly played with your preconceptions.
(Mon 30th Apr 2007, 19:53, More)

» Get Rich Quick

About 6 or 7 years ago, I discovered the joys of shopping at Amazon. Just a few clicks of the mouse and a rattle on the old keys and I had DVDs winging my way in no-time, for half the price of HMV! I wanted to spread the word, stop my chump friends wasting their pocket money on the high street! Which is where the refer-a-friend scheme came in...

Now, the deal is that you refer a friend and they get a £5 voucher to spend. Once they've spent it, Amazon chuck another one your way, nicely done. So, why not stick a few of my other e-mail addresses on there and have a fiver off my next DVD?

These "vouchers" are also supposed to have some rules attached too. Minimum spend of £10, one per customer, usual stuff. Thing is, the minimum spend didn't work. You could buy anything, as long as your total didn't come to under £5. Just a bit of postage to pay, then - DVDs for £1.50!

So, I simply got myself a free domain name and referred myself under a variety of extremely clever guises. [email protected], [email protected], etc. etc. That's a lot of £5 vouchers, and a lot of dirt cheap DVDs.

I must've sold at least of the mothers at £5 a pop! Anything that crept into the "DVDs for about a fiver" section on Amazon was offered up to my esteemed peers. I remember ordering all of the Bond films for some lucky boy.

After about 6 months of abusing poor old Amazon, the "Refer-A-Friend" scheme was changed to £3 a voucher, and the rules on minimum spending fixed. I like to think I had something to do with that. Still, was a nice bit of a money for a 15 year old while it lasted!
(Fri 1st Aug 2008, 14:38, More)
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