b3ta.com user firesnake
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Let me see....i'm a chronic procrastinator (only at work mind you) and b3ta is my favourite place to while away a few hours on the skive.

i come up with some brilliant ideas for compo posts but if truth be told i'm far too lazy to do anything about it and so allow myself the time to fully appreciate the work of others.

occaisonally i'll post a reply on the qotw and believe it or not my stories are all true. i've lead a rich and full life and so have many experiences to share with the world. i hope you enjoy reading them as much as i enjoyed living them.

vital stats: 28, 5'6½", 38DD, size 12, IQ 132 :)

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Best answers to questions:

» Toilets

i wish i didn't have a post for this one but unfortunately i do....
both my toilet stories involve a high level of drunkeness and an accompanying head injury.

1. i was in a small cubicle in the ladies at the pub and had just been for my 549th pee for the night (once you break that seal....). upon pulling up pants after doing the business i managed to slip on the floor, give the door in front a rousing glasgow kiss and knock myself unconscious, with my pants around my knees and the muff on display for all to see (so i was told). my friend had to jump the wall of the cubicle next door, drag me out to her car and drive me home (i was still unconscious). she then got done for drunk driving on her way home. next morning i had the mother of all hangovers, a gash on the top of my head and crusted blood in my hair. off to hospital, eight hours in A&E, 1 cat scan, 1 pee in a bed pan and 4 suppositories later and i come out with a sprained neck and severe concussion.

2. in paris a couple of weeks ago. out for dinner, loads of wine. go to late night bar, more drinks. back to hotel, in drunken state decide not drunk enough and open bottle of wine. pass out. wake up with vom in the back of my throat about to make its appearance any second now. stagger to the toilet, hit every wall along the way, reach the bowl, put my hand on top of cistern to steady myself while the puke flows freely, grab toilet lid instead and crack myself fair on the nose mid-puke. blood gushes out, streams down face to mingle with the vom already there. pass out on floor.

It won't be the fags that kill me.....
(Fri 2nd Sep 2005, 11:45, More)

» Injured Siblings

If you can't handle a bit of length look away
Growing up with two younger brothers I took as much delight inflicting pain on them as they did to me and each other. The list is quite comprehensive but a few short family highlights include:

Throwing a pitchfork at my middle brother in a fit of rage. Said pitchfork went straight through my brothers shoe and pinned him to the back lawn. He was lucky to escape with all his toes that day. My arse was unfortunately not so lucky after the walloping I received.

Same brother again and I having a bath together, I must have been about 7, he 4. Throwing various projectiles at each other until I threw the nailbrush, he flinched and belted his head on the tap. Down to the doctors surgery, dad goes in with lil bro, mum peeks in, lil bro sitting there with 3 stitches to his head munching on a jelly bean, dad passed out on stretcher.

Middle brother and baby brother decide to go fishing one year on a camping trip. Middle bro hooks lil bro in the head with one of those triple hook monstrosities whilst casting his line. More stitches.

Xmas day a few years ago, out on the old's boat for a nice bbq and a swim. Middle bro decides it'll be funny to chuck me in the water, I fight valiantly only to go in anyway, whack my leg on the marlin board and end up with my first batch of stitches ever. On Christmas Day. Bastard.

My middle bro and I wound our little brother up so much one day that he went to Dad's gun cupboard and came out with a rifle and a mad look in his eye. Tis a pants ruining experience.

But the best/worst one would have to be...
On a family holiday to Bali back in '94, it's my birthday and we all go out for a nice breakfast, do a spot of shopping, baby bro buys a BB gun, supposedly brand new and unloaded, I ask to have a look, aim and fire at him thinking the gun was unloaded, it wasn't. I shot him in the corner of his eye. If only the day ended there though. Decide to hire some jet-ski's and have a round of "jet ski chasey". The idea being to nudge the other person's jet ski so they are "it". Little did I know that when you release the throttle you lose the steering as well. I'm "it" and I go up to my lil bro's jetski, slowly mind you so as not to hurt him, lose all power and watch horrified as my jetski mounts his and slices his head right open...while we're about half a mile out to sea. Little blighter was more worried about ruining my birthday than the 26 stitches he got to his head. Bless.
(Fri 19th Aug 2005, 13:10, More)

» Injured Siblings

Psychological Injury
Most of the post's for this brilliant question involve violence on one level or another. However, there can be more subtle ways of tormenting ones siblings.

Like when my brother had a milkshake that he didn't want to share with anyone until Mum made him give me a taste. So I took a nice big gulp and then deposited a mouthful of spit back down the straw. The look of horrified disgust as he sucked up my spittle far outweighs the beating he gave me afterwards. I still chuckle to this day.
(Mon 22nd Aug 2005, 10:34, More)

» Hidden Treasure

It's brown and it's good....
On my travels as a wee lass I moved into a very large share house in Sydney as a young, impressionable 19 year old. I finally got to settling in the house a few days later by having a bit of a rummage around the place. The house was big by most standards - a 3 storey, 6 level, bright and airy house with timber decking, balcony and swimming pool overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Nice, but this isn't a real estate ad so I digress. Upon rummaging under one of the several staircases I came across an innocuous brown cardboard box. Not expecting to find much, maybe a stash of books from the previous tenant, imagine my delight whenst opening I discovered some 2 dozen giant blocks of Cadbury's chocolate (about 10kg of choc all in all) and 6 bottles of Cadbury's Cream Liquer. Resistance was futile especially considering in another nook and cranny my flatmate was culitvating some herbes fines under lights. Needless to say the chocolate didn't last the length of my tenancy, but oh what joy to be completely gluttonous thanks to my serendipitous discovery.
(Thu 30th Jun 2005, 14:50, More)

» Birthdays

worst for me: october 12 bali bombing
worst for my friend marie: september 11 that bombing somewhere over the pond
worst for my boyfriend: march 11 madrid bombing
worst for an old shag dylan and an old school buddy melinda: july 7 london bombing

there's a pattern starting to emerge here.....

best: 28th this year was a veritable festival of birthday celebrations.....two months later i'm still collecting presents and celebrating with wayward friends that i haven't seen for ages....get in!

EDIT: not birthday but my dad died 2 days before xmas last year....the big J's birthday will never be the same again. *sniff* in fact i've had so many shit christmases i'm giving up on it. totally fucked. can't even begin to imagine the horrors awaiting me this year
(Fri 9th Dec 2005, 15:43, More)
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