b3ta.com user mrbuddhafreak
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» My most gullible moment

Not on purpose, but....
When my son, Chris, was a wee runt (3 or 4 years old), he let loose a bit of gas. Something that vile had no right to exist in someone so small. My nose burned. My eyes watered. It was brutal!! I told him how much I appreciated his sharing his innermost with me and asked him "Did something crawl up your ass and die?" He laughed. I laughed. And the day continued on it's merry way without a second thought or a repeat performance.
Later, that evening, my wife was taking an exceptionally long time to put Chris to sleep. The normal story and kiss on the head didn't seem to be doing the trick. Finally she came out of the bedroom, stared at me and with a look and tone of anger and laughter that I had not seen or heard before or since, asked me "What the hell did you say to him?" After the shortest pause, the afternoon incident jumped to mind and I began to laugh. Impressed was not the word for her reaction. But it didn't help her case that she had to fight not to break out laughing as well. (It seems to be important to have one mature adult in the house. Not my job.)
Apparently the little sprog was afraid that while he slept, creatures were going to crawl up his backside with the sole purpose of dying and infecting the world with their rotting stench. Mother managed to convince the little fellow that his father was a cruel idiot and that no such thing could or would happen.
He seems to have grown up well enough adjusted. But we still occasionally get a chuckle in the house when a particularly nasty odor floats about and the short version is asked, "Did something crawl?" Well he and I do. His mother still isn't quite over it.
Blah, blah, blah, length
(Sat 23rd Aug 2008, 8:21, More)

» When animals attack...

Our cat Digger
has his own way of attacking. Just 5 minutes ago Digger expressed his displeasure with my wife spending the whole day painting and not paying attention to him. She has a three day craft show this weekend. But before she does any more painting, she's going to have to clean out her paint box. Digger pissed in it.
(Tue 7th Jun 2005, 6:09, More)

» When animals attack...

kittys are so cute
Sorry to start with the usual "It wasn't me, but...". But this was an actual accident to a friend and his girlfriend. They were enjoying a bit of missionary pleasure, when his newly acquired kitten noticed his swinging bollocks and decided to play with them. Cue blood curdling scream and a thrust that could only have been greater if he had a rocket up his arse. Total stitch count? Two on his ball sack and four on her head from when super thrust smashed her into the head board. Not an urban legend. Honest. Right next door.

Also-ran story. A few miles down the road, a goofball and his friends were having fun with chickens (not that way, though it might have been better) by pouring lighter fluid on them, igniting them and blazing away at the organic skeet. One kamikaze chicken escaped the firing
(oops) squad by fleeing into the barn. The police, SPCA, fire department, and father were
all not amused.
(Sun 5th Jun 2005, 9:14, More)

» Injured Siblings

Too much pain to mention it all, but
I had two brothers, one two years younger than me
who had to endure more pain and humiliation than any non-saint should have to tolerate. The youngest brother was twelve years younger than me and outside of a few experiments was to young for me to really enjoy tormenting. Perhaps this was why my younger brother taught the little two year old to wake me with a sharp blow to the groin. Once that happens for a few days, everything changes. For years after, I would wake if anyone even touched my door knob.
(Tue 23rd Aug 2005, 5:14, More)

» Teenage Parties

I thought I was the one having a bad morning but...
A road trip to visit friends at uni went horribly wrong due to the huge volume of rye whiskey and wine I felt the need to inflict on myself. Taking a pause from the party in a friend's car with the girl who I later found out was nicknamed "Miss Piggy" (sorry about the spot shots on the seat, mate)was probably a bad idea. That part at least I remembered. Why I went to sleep in the bathtub, I haven't a clue. I was out like a light until morning, when I opened my eyes thinking someone was going to piss on me (why else would he be waving it at me?). The fact that the toilet was right beside my head hadn't occured to me(who expects to wake in the tub?). Perhaps it was a better experience for me than for the guy who was faced with the screaming loonie rising from the tub. He pissed all over the bathroom...except on me. Screaming worked. Adding to his fear was the fact the Miss Piggy had given me a solid collar of hickeys. He thought I might have been strangled, but had to piss so bad he was willing to wait until after to check me out. Not just a psycho, but a zombie psycho!! My head still hurts thinking about it all. More road trip stories and I'm sad to say drunken bathtub stories to follow if I get ambitious.
(Fri 14th Apr 2006, 8:50, More)
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