b3ta.com user Mrs_Talbot
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I'm an American and a perpetual newbie, but don't tell anyone that.

I'd link you to my website but it's shit, so here's a picture of the Hitlerantula instead. He's history AND nature's greatest monster.

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Best answers to questions:

» Missing body parts

This one time I lost my entire uterine lining.

It was an unpleasant experience for everyone involved and I'd rather not discuss it further.
(Fri 2nd Jun 2006, 5:40, More)

» Stupid Tourists

Not stupid tourists, but foolish natives
If you run into a stupid tourist, please, just let them get away with mispronouncing your local names and places. If they learn how to say everything properly, then they come back from a two-week jaunt to England with a permanent accent. This leads to our equivalent of chavs falling in love with them for it, breeding with them, and creating future stupid tourists. Why make it worse for yourself?
(Thu 7th Jul 2005, 18:52, More)

» Join us... come join the cult

Not me, but my poor mother
When she was a child, she was pressed into a horrible cult by her parents. Among many other accomplishments, this cult:

-Used to ban black people from joining its congregation
-Has ensured Adolf Hitler will enter their version of heaven by way of a "baptism by proxy"
-Requires its male followers to wear special cult underwear (seriously, they're called "temple garments")
-Killed scores of Americans on September 11th (of course, this was in 1857)
-Once you've joined up, in their eyes, you're a member for life, whether you want to be or not.

Three guesses what it's called. Here's a hint: it sounds and looks a lot like "moron."

They've finally stopped coming around to my parents' house, but only after repeated threats to sic the dog on them if they didn't go away and stay away. Simply asking them to piss off doesn't work, you have to put the fear in them, otherwise they'll keep coming back. They're like Scientologists, but much less exclusive.
(Sat 28th Jan 2006, 21:27, More)

» Useless advice

I've got some useless advice for skippytheferret
The rearview mirrors on cars are slightly curved so that you can see more of your surroundings. Of course, for you to see more in the mirror, the images reflected are smaller, leading you to think they're further away. (sorry, thought other people might be curious too...)

As for useless advice, how's "you don't need to declare a major, just start taking your gen eds and it'll come to you" sound? Wasting time and money is worse than useless!
(Sun 22nd Oct 2006, 8:00, More)

» Stupid Tourists

Oh, another one I remember...
...Although I'm fairly sure it was a local. My mother and I were visiting the Japanese American National Museum, (http://www.janm.org/,) and we were in the wing detailing the WWII concentration camps when we overheard a horrified girl exclaim:

"Incarceration?!? Doesn't that mean they burned them?"
(Sat 9th Jul 2005, 17:47, More)
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