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» Mobile phone disasters

If you ever find yourself in my brother's back garden...
And he says "Can I have a look at your phone?" Don't hand it over- he's about to push you, (fully clothed) into the pool.
(Mon 3rd Aug 2009, 15:12, More)

» Inappropriate crushes

Has anyone mentioned Carol Vorderman yet?
I'd break 'er fuckin' back man!

(Sun 1st Oct 2006, 22:27, More)

» Take my Mother-in-law...

My ex’s mum was hot-....
fitter than her daughter in fact! *sigh* I like the more experienced ladies… forty is indeed naughty!

And to all you first place desperados and unfunny posters (you know who you are) I simply have this to say- What. The. Fuck? Time and a place eh?

And I’m going to come round and dry fist the next person to make a length joke. You have been warned.
(Thu 8th Sep 2005, 12:48, More)

» I was drunk when I bought this

Chilli sauce?
Not so much the fact that I bought a thoroughly filthy dog's nob kebab, more the fact that while I was standing there telling the guy my chilli sauce requirements I had my cock out and was calmy, hands free, hosing down the front of his van with 6 pints of premium french lager, all the time cracking up laughing as I texted my mate to tell him just what a grubby little so and so I am.

Got away with it too- I hate to think about the larraping I would have (quite rightly) got if him or his mate had caught me.
(Fri 10th Jun 2005, 16:09, More)

» Toilets

Someone round here must have a sore nipsy….
I've just been to the bogs at work, and had to use a cubical due to urinal crowding (I’m quite capable of pissing on my own clothes without having someone else hose me down into the bargain) and found a fucking otter in there- this thing was about the same size as one of those big cans of Stella. Devoid of any paper I can only assume that the owner was left in such a state of breathless shock (pride maybe?!) after passing that they just waddled, numb, straight out the door, pants round ankles. Wasn’t me, but I bet my flush didn’t shift it, and there was no way I was going to try and explain to the cleaner as he saw me staggering out giggling at the thought of our plumbing trying to ship that one out.

I’ve called an ambulance.

Top QOTW btw
(Wed 7th Sep 2005, 16:55, More)
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