» Fancy Dress

How not to pull ladies
Went to a fancy dress party early on in my uni days. I wore some load of crap that could easily be discarded for the purpose of moving on to a night on the town later. My friend who came with me, however, went all out to win the "most crass outfit of the year prize". He donned an outfit entirely of red clothing, with several packets of Minstrel chocolates stapled to his shirt and carrying two unattached bicycle wheels. When he explained to any lady he spoke to that he was the "Menstrual Cycle" any chance he had of pulling rapidly disappeared. I seem to remember he gathered a couple of slaps for his trouble too. It wasn't even that funny a gag.
(Fri 13th Jan 2006, 4:37, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Sick, Sicker, Sickest?
Paedophile walking into the woods one dark night leading a little boy by the hand.
Little boy says; "I don't like these woods, I'm scared"
Paedophile says; "how do you think I feel, I've got to walk out of here on my own"
(Thu 8th Dec 2005, 3:21, More)

» Injured Siblings

Sugar and Darts
My younger brother has always had a very sweet tooth. When we were about 10 and 6 respectively I pretended that I was being nice by getting the sugar bowl down from a high shelf for him to tuck into when in fact I had replaced said sugar with salt. My brother took the biggest spoonful he could manage............

Also, not a sibling, but my cousin and I were once playing darts in the back yard on a hot summer day. For some unknown reason I took to running under the dart board, bent over, whilst he took his turn. Inevitably one of his darts rebounded off the board and landed right in my unclad back a couple of cms from my spine and a good cm deep. Ouch.

Insert length gag here, yuk yuk.
(Fri 19th Aug 2005, 7:31, More)

» Accidentally Erotic

Cartoons are people too
Cheetarah from Thundercats

*blush*

I think it was the heaving breasts in the tight lycra outfits
(Fri 3rd Feb 2006, 5:15, More)

» Shame

I'm a git
1) at about 4 years old I was obviously becoming aware that there were people in the world who had skin a different colour to mine (i.e. caucasian) and had been pressing my Mum for an explanation as to how this was so. One day when queuing in the local butcher's shop an old lady of afro-carribean descent walked in and I said very loudly "Look Mum, there's one of them". Me poor mother was mortified and hastily explained to all and sundry that the lad wasn't growing up in a racist household. Thankfully the old lady took it all in good grace.

2) I was on the organising committee for "Rag Week" during sixth form and the fund-raising for our chosen charity, Greenpeace, had gone reasonably well. Me and a couple of other lads who led me astray in all manner of ways decided we would reward ourselves for all our hard work by going down the high street with collecting tins and then spending whatever we 'raised'. We managed about 130 quid as I remember from which I bought myself an England football shirt and the rest we spent in the boozer at the end of the high street getting right-royally sh!t-faced with a bag full of empty collecting tins at our feet. Not proud - sorry Greenpeace and sorry generous donors. Feel better for confessing though.
(Fri 25th Nov 2005, 3:53, More)