» The worst sex I ever had

Gingeminge Haiku
She was tubby yes,
She was ginger, a minger
Oh why did I drink?
(Fri 15th Jun 2007, 14:24, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Bangor University...art gallery galore...
1)Deiniol Library, back Gents: "GAV JONES BUMS HIS DAD." Followed by an amusing pic of someone bent over being molested by another crudely-drawn-fellow with a massive cock. Charming. Suggests someone thinks more with their head than the head on their shoulders...

2)Can't remember where, but these words of wisdom have always remained with me: "Even a child can piss on the floor, so be a master and shit on the ceiling."

3)Emrys Evans, a dorm block's shared toilets on one floor, plastered on the beneath of a cubicle door on the inside: "BEWARE OF THE LIMBO-DANCING MIDGETS."
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 23:50, More)

» When animals attack...

Why Cows are Evil and yet Funny
(Didn't actually happen to Me, but I was involved..)

On a trip to North Wales with my sister we were travelling along in one of those narrow gauge steam railways that's for the tourists.

Reaching a rural station we see a small child, a lad, standing infront of no less than a huge brown cow with only a fence inbetween them, looking around, oblivious to the bovine threat behind him. Then the cow reached down and licked (or bit we think) it just above the elbow.

Now the night before we'd daftly watched most of the oh-so-awesome Weebl and Bob archive. Including yes, "Cows".

So, the child lets out a shrill squeal and look astounded. I lean out the train's window and yell, "Cows are poisonous - Quick, suck out the poison kid!" (obviously, the poor kid was only 3-4 years old)

Cue the little blighter trying to suck on his elbow. then he looks across all teary eyed and wails "I caaaaaan't! Mommyyyyyy!"

At this point an old blonde woman nearby gives us a deathly stare. Thankfully the train steamed away right at the moment. Thankfully.
Cruel but by Gods it was worth it.
(Tue 7th Jun 2005, 19:21, More)

» I was drunk when I bought this

After Ten Pints of Everard's Sunchaser...
..I wake up the next morning feeling like I just wantd to die there and then. Could it get any worse?
Lo and behold it did.

A CD, Cher: Believe was on my dresser.

And six plastic toy ducks had infested my shower cubicle.

Let's not forget the half-eaten Dodgy Derek's burger in the sink (the trigger to half a day of vomitual pain), and last but not least, dear reader,

My door (yes, the door) on the outside had the half-garbled lyrics to Duran Duran's "Girls On Film" scrawled badly upon it with a cheap supermarket pencil.

Eeek.
(Fri 10th Jun 2005, 6:00, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

What do you call a leper in a box?
A jigsaw puzzle.
(Wed 7th Dec 2005, 0:10, More)