» Teenage Parties

Last Night in Fact
Aaaah.

I planted a small cheese biscuit in a plant pot, in the hope it would grow, and then I fell down the stairs face-first into a bean bag.

But that's not it. One person god shitfaced and some vodka within an hour of getting there.He gets violent. He collapsed twice, threw a hot-cross bun at the wall, and broke his glasses and pushed people around. We (well, my friends.. I'm a pussy) took him outside and tried to get him to go home. I heard of escapades with him punching phone boxes and the like. His Dad actually came and got him in the end.

Cue two hours later the phone is ringing. The party's host is attending to a passed out girl on the stairs, so he instructs someone else to answer the phone.

It's the police. They have reports of violence in the area and they're ringing to just check that things are alright, and if it's necessary for someone to be sent down. The collapsed girl wants to be a police-woman, and when she hears of the call she bursts into tears. All of this is obviously auidble to the police on the phone, who ask for a second opinion from someone else in the party (the most sober person we could find).

I run to the kitchen and drank the most water I've ever drank in 2 minutes in my life; fueled by drunken panic. I thought I was going to fucking explode, it was like an oral enema.


Panic is rife. Then the host comes down an says it was all a joke. The policeman, who was very formal, was one of his mates who he had told him about the nights events over MSN- for a realistic police call (being able to refer to specific events.. a broken bottle, violence with a phone box..)

Cue a torrent of violence truly worthy of the police being called. Of course, being dopily drunk, none of us twigged that the police wouldn't bloody know the telephone number to contact.

Twats.
(Mon 17th Apr 2006, 21:10, More)

» Teenage Poetry

From the heart of my bottom
I have a big dick,
Won't you give my prick a lick?

*Bows*
(Sat 13th Aug 2005, 19:28, More)

» Customers from Hell

Shop Work.
"Do you sell X"
"No Sorry."
"Well, you used to".

Well, the Jews used to be killed in gas chambers and black people were slaves. Things change.

'My photos on my CD havent been rotated'
(Now the index print shows all photos landscape regardless of orientation so they all fit in)
"That's odd, I remember doing it"
'Well it's not done, mate'
"I'll go and check on our server"
So I check. They're all fine.

'Oh'.


Power cut once, everyone loses their progress on our kiosks. All look at me as if I can reverse time. One actually screamed, we thought she was being attacked or something.

'Your machine has lost all my photos'
"Sorry, it's physcially impossible for it to do that, they are not programmed to make any changes to your media and the ports are not wired to be cable of writing"

Lo and behold they are saved in some really obscure file format..

Or people who don't understand how you cant fit a long picture they've cropped into a 6x4 print without losing someones head..
(Tue 9th Sep 2008, 21:20, More)