» Restaurants, Kitchens and Bars... Oh my!

Haai-yaah
Refreshingly clean story: at the end of the night in a busy 'Brewers Fayre' style pub restaurant, my sister and I were carrying large towers of gateaux boxes back from the sweet counter, through the kitchen, to the fridge. My sister, carrying a pile of empty boxes, happened to drop hers. No harm done. I was a few paces behind. The pot-washer, assuming my boxes were also empty, leapt in to the air and with his best Karate Kid squeal, karate-chopped the boxes I was carrying. Stunned silence as about £100 of gateaux exploded out of the sides of boxes and all over the kitchen.
(Fri 21st Jul 2006, 15:42, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Not me, but..
One of the funniest things I remember seeing was my mate, getting stoned for the first time (aged 21), leant against a wall. He started slowly sliding to the floor sideways, bent at the waist, until his wrist was lying on the floor. We aasked him what was wrong: "My watch is reaaally heavy".

We took the watch off for him and he slowly returned to his original position. Lovely.

Oh, and I played a He-man cartoon on telly with a playstation controller for 20 minutes before passing it to my mate saying, 'This games too hard, I can't get the hang of it'.
(Thu 15th Dec 2005, 12:06, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

Blair Witch Story
While in the States on holiday I went to see the Blair Witch Story on the week of its general release, and knew very little about it. I'll admit, it scared the crap out of me.

Walking out of the multiplex with my mate, back to the hotel, I was not looking forward to the shortcut through the woods that was required, but with lots of 'the witch will get you' joshing, we entered. Halfway through we were stopped in our tracks by a blood-curdling scream, a really, horrific, from the guts scream that sounded like it was from a women. We shat. Moving towards the noise (obviously) we came accross a two lane highway with the screaming woman lying in the middle, bone sticking out of her leg. I went to help her to be held back by my mate...

"Don't go. It's the witch". He was deadly serious and I have to admit, I gave it pause for thought. But then a couple of cars sped by her and she was in danger of being hit, so we moved her to the side of the road. She was out of her face on something so all the time we were trying to help her she was hissing, cursing and spitting at us. Cheers love.

Finding a screaming, hissing, bloodied hit-and-run victim in the middle of the woods is scary enough, even when you'd not just watched the Blair Witch Project.

BTW@ Watched BWP again recently. Shit, isn't it?
(Thu 20th Apr 2006, 13:03, More)

» Cars

Carpet woes
I was following a van up a hill near Derby once and a roll of carpet fell off the back, unrolling to almost perfectly carpet both lanes of the road. A coffee table would have set it off nicely.
(Mon 26th Apr 2010, 15:53, More)

» Crap meals out

Quong
In Hanoi, I hired a lad to take me round all the sights on the back of his motorbike. At lunchtime I said I was fine going with him to where he'd normally take his lunch, to see a bit of real city life, as you will.
Took us to a back-alley open aired restaraunt, nothing wrong with it at all. Ordered lunch for me, nothing wrong with that either.
It was only halfway through the stir-fry he got me that I noticed all the roasted, hairless, quartered dogs hanging up in the kitchen.

Still, was pretty tasty.
(Thu 27th Apr 2006, 18:06, More)