b3ta.com user gravytrain
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Recent front page messages:

oh noes

(Wed 14th Feb 2007, 14:15, More)

Best answers to questions:

» The Police

me and a mate were off to a party
and I was carrying his didgeridoo (obviously we were aiming to impress ze ladies with our esoteric talents)

copper pulls up, gets out and asks me what exactly it is that I'm holding. I look at him, slightly incredulous, and say "a didgeridoo".

the copper then asks what it is, so I tell him it's a musical instrument. at this point he's looking more and more suspicious so he asks me to play it.
I give him a lengthy parp, to which he replies, "ah sorry mate, I thought it was a traffic cone."

it was made of wood, five feet long and not in any way cone-shaped. I can only surmise that he was on crack
(Fri 23rd Sep 2005, 15:29, More)

» Insults

you're so fat i swerved to avoid you and ran out of petrol

(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 16:25, More)

» Have you ever paid for sex?

everyone pays for it one way or the other

(Thu 19th Jan 2006, 12:25, More)

» Insults

kids in vietnam
have this idea of asking tourists for loose change, cos a pound coin in vietnamese dong is worth quite a bit.

so my mate gives this one scamp a fifty pence coin. the kid puts on a face like leon just tried to butter his pucker and starts bawling that it's not enough and he wants more. amongst the stream of high-pitched vietnamese comes (in amusingly broken english) "I hope your children have no nose"

That freaked us all out. Imagine having no nose, that would be a terrible curse
(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 15:29, More)

» Stupid Tourists

saw it on a late night program about american tourists in loud shirts
"I'm going to..." (hesitates) "...to..." (looks at fat wife) "...Loogie Baroogie?"

The bemused interviewer scratches his head for a little while before he catches on.

"Loughborough." Brilliant.
(Thu 7th Jul 2005, 21:53, More)
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