b3ta.com user DangerFlange
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» What nonsense did you believe in as a kid?

Speed of Light
When I was a lot younger (honest!) I thought the speed of light was how quickly the light bulb when out when you pressed the light switch.

Think it may have slowed down a bit nowadays due to energy saving lightbulbs!
(Fri 20th Jan 2012, 10:39, More)

» Old stuff I still know

Have a couple of these to start...
Two-Way Propositions in german

an, auf, hinter, in, neben, uber, unter, vor, zwischen.
Thank you Mrs Beaumont!

Haynes Motorcycle Manuals Dewey decimal no: 629.28775

Too many years working part time in a library, I can still remember dewey decimal classification for most non-fiction books. Not obsolete but not as relevant with all the interwebs!

Shame I can't remember what day it is!
(Fri 1st Jul 2011, 10:42, More)

» Vomit Pt2

Purple Nasty Olè!
Whilst at the legendary Worthing Penguins Hockey Festival as any hockey players know, tour, for the majority is a super booze fest and this one was going rather well.
After a good day of funnels, boat races and a spot of hockey we retired to the pub before the night out at a club. Our team had opted for a mexican theme and all were sporting sombreros, ponchos, bandoliers etc. My hombres and I were on the purple nasties and managed to get through a fair few before it was time to go to the club. I was starting to feel a bit worse for wear and had opted for a tactical chunder, however; staring at the big white telephone reciting 'armitage shanks, armitage' was not having it's usual desired effect. 'Taxi's here' shouted one of my mates over the cubicle and feeling a bit better after a bit of retching trotted off to the cab.

Bit of a squash, 4 people in sombreros in a cab but it wasn't far into town. Unfortunately it was a long enough journey for my waves of nausea to return and within seconds I had gone past the point of no return, sitting in the middle of the back seats left me no time to move/speak/ open windows so the only receptical was a sombrero which was duly filled with copious amounts of bright purple vomit. Sombreros aren't particularly well suited to hold copious amounts of carrot chunks and snakey B and the result was a sieve like action, chunks retained, vom juice seeping into my lap.

It's a bit of a blur but somehow I got away without getting busted by the cabbie (god knows how, it wasn't a subtle one!) and we arrived at the club.
We all entered the club enmasse with lots of 'arribas''holas' etc, most of us with sombreros on. I had opted for the 'slung over the back' option, unfortunately some onlookers decided that I should match my hombres, attempts were made to put it on my head which lead to me drunkenly and politely asking them not to do it and when questioned why I meakly replied 'i've just been sick in it'!

On the up side the next day whilst chucking hats arouind it did make for an interesting game of 'avoiding the chunder hat'

Ah, got to love a hockey tour!
(Tue 12th Jan 2010, 14:05, More)

» Common

Think I might have a few of these....
...a few for starters

1) Double Negatives

2) Young Children wearing jewellery

3) People who call tomato ketchup 'red sauce'

4) Cars with '........ on Board'. Well done (!?) for procreating/ your children procreating/ having a child with ADHD.

Actually saw a car with 'Minger on board' not even a hint of irony on seeing the driver!
(Thu 16th Oct 2008, 19:27, More)

» Airport Stories

Happy Easter
During the foot and mouth outbreak of 1999 i'd visited germany at easter, at this time there was a ban on import and export of dairy and meat products, disinfectant troughs to walk through and quite a few hungry looking sniffer dogs! It's traditional to give out varnished hard boiled eggs and some time during the trip i'd been given one of the said eggs, pocketed it and promptly forgotten about it (there may have been copious amounts of weissbier involved!) Fast forward to the homeward journey, security control at Frankfurt Hahn airport. Metal detector goes off, i begin to get frisked by fearsome german security (wo)man suddenly she lets out a seriously not happy 'urgh as she goes through my pocket! In a brief moment of clarity i remember the now crushed 'eggy gift! Fear grips me, and i mutter repeatdly in broken german that i was so sorry and i'd forgotten that i'd been given it and how i wasn't trying to smuggle contraband dairy products to the UK. Thankfully, i just had to hand over the egg remains, got a stern look and sent on my way. All this time the rest of the people in my group (about 30 of us) had gone through security control and were now congregated, watching me, pissing themselves. Still haven't lived it down, wouldn't mind but i really hate bolied aggs anyway!
(Tue 7th Mar 2006, 18:38, More)
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