» I met a weirdo on the interweb

A whole MMO full of weirdos (SUPER LONG I AM SORRY)
I have a horrid and hilarious tale of an entire MMO game full of weirdos, and I must apologize for extreme length, but this story is just so… lengthy! EDIT: I am aware that this is a bit off-topic, but please read and enjoy, ok?

Second Life is a free MMO where people can make custom avatars, create things like buildings and vehicles, and generally wander around and chat in AN AMAZING INTERACTIVE 3D ENVIRONMENT!!!!

Ahem, anyway… I signed up on a lark, mostly to confirm my hypothesis: Second Life is full of weirdos, from furries to emo-goth kids and men pretending to be women. And wow was I right.

I spent most of my time teleporting to random areas in the game world, hoping to encounter some new AMAZING INTERACTIVE 3D form of Internet weirdness.

Early on I ran into a group of furries in a “sandbox” area. They were quite nice, and even gave me some free game items. While I chatted with them for a bit, I had a gradually increasing sense of creepiness. Not only were there avatars all fluffy and furry, they acted like Mormons! They were constantly trying to recruit me into the furry ranks with subtle comments and questions. I left, laughing nervously on the real-life end of the keyboard.

Now off to annoy some emo-goth kids. Too bad for me, however, there were already plenty of annoyingly creepy men and women running around in the goth areas of the game. They all acted hilariously melodramatic, with names like “Vampyr Lorde Arcturas” glowing above their black-clad avatar. The male avatars were constantly harassing everybody to have cyber sex with them. I asked around, and indeed, you could have your avatar commit AMAZING INTERACTIVE 3D sex acts within the game world.

Jackpot! After mere minutes of teleporting around the game world, I found the Goreans. The Goreans were the most creepy, serious BDSM folks I have ever met. All the female avatars were scantily clad and attached by chains to the Schwarzenegger-esque forms of their male “Masters.” After laughing until I cried, I asked around and found out more than I ever needed to know about “the Gorean lifestyle.” Apparently this whole creepy realm within Second Life is based on some horrible BDSM novels, wherein all the females are slaves to male masters, and acts of sexual violence are a regular occurrence.

Now I was really creeped out. Not only were people committing virtual sex acts in the AMAZING INTERACTIVE 3D of Second Life, they were acting out violent sexual fantasies… the kind people go to jail for in the real world.

Suffice to say, I quit my account and deleted Second Life from my hard drive less than a week after I first started the game.

(P.S. You can actually get a job and make game-money in Second Life, in order to buy game items like yiffable avatars and weapons. While some make money buy building and selling items, most of the employment ads I saw in the game were for female strippers and prostitutes… a nice final creepy thought ain’t it?)

(P.S.S. I have even more tales of Second Life weirdness, so drop me a line if you dare to hear more!)
(Fri 17th Mar 2006, 20:31, More)

» My computer gave away my secrets

So much for covering your tracks...
I discovered porn on the wonderful internets at about the age of 14. I was also a moderate computer geek, so I knew how to cover my tracks by not saving pics and just viewing them in my web browser. I would empty every cache and delete every cookie. I would even hold off on jerkin' off until I could print off the porn I had found and could excuse myself to the restroom, porn in pocket. I would even flush the picture afterwards, just to be extra super sure.

Well, this went on without a hitch for four years. I was a master... I was untouchable. Until that day... I was about 17 and it was a typical day after school. I arrived at my home, with not a parent in sight. Lucky me! I quickly began a casual porn search. My parents arrived home mere minutes after my search had began. No matter, no trouser tent yet. They went upstairs to get the laundry, and I continued my search carefully, my ears waiting for the sound of steps on the stairs.

A minute or so passed, and I heard the telltale sound of my Dad on the stairs. I quickly closed the browser window. I even had a "dummy" browser window behind that with some innocent content. No comment made, I thought I was in the clear...

About an hour later, my Dad and I had to run to the hardware store. Alas, when we were in the car he admitted that he saw what lewd material I was browsing. He gave me a stern talking to.

And it just HAD to be a page full of naughty anime schoolgirls, didn't it?
(Sat 11th Feb 2006, 8:39, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Some of my best jokes:
What do two lesbians do when they are having their periods?

Finger-painting.

So my friend found out he had leprosy. After sulking for about six months, he decides to have the time of his life before he dies. The first thing he does is find a prostitute. After he was done shagging her, he got dressed and told her,

"you can keep the tip."

What's the difference between acne and a catholic priest?

Acne usually comes on a boy's face after he turns 13.

What's the difference between a woman and a shit?

You don't have to cuddle with the shit after you've had it.
(Fri 9th Dec 2005, 1:09, More)

» Teenage Poetry

Some of my crap teenage poetry
(It was for an English assignment, I swear!)

Oh, there once was a guy named Janis

He came from the town Duplantis

He made islands all day,

got quite a hefty pay,

'till he made the island Atlantis!
(Sat 13th Aug 2005, 18:40, More)