» Toilets

never the same again
Whilst trying to make some money as an impoverished student a few years back I took a summer job working in the warehouse of a very well known DIY store. This place was HUGE with around 500+ people working there and only 10 traps between us and come dinner time it was a race to get in one. Anyway, one day I dropped lucky due to being a bit of a raciing snake and managed to get into trap 1 quite sharpish, but some monster had managed to beat me to it. Just about to drop the old trollys when I saw the worlds biggest jobby laid out on top of the cistern!! someone was so impressed with this leviathon that they had fished it out of the depths by hand! and as a final flourish they had stuck a little note in it 'FOUND, ONE BROWN SHOE SIZE 12'

Genius
(Mon 5th Sep 2005, 8:28, More)

» Toilets

Another one
just remembered another little episode, A few years back now and whilst training in the gym one day I was overcome with urge, and this was instant mind, to have a huge dump. Not wanting to do an away fixture I decided to bake it till I got back home which would be at least 2 hours later. Rushed home with all the speed I could muster and not looking like I had a broken arse, got home, dropped um in one fluid motion (no pun intended)only to find nothing forthcoming??? but about a minute later the worlds longest (and perhaps smelliest) fart erupted from my bumhole. It must have lasted a good minute and a half, but still no dumpage. This carried on for a couple of days until I decided it was time to break out the laxitives, turns out they aren't the best things to take when you have internal bleeding
(Mon 5th Sep 2005, 8:38, More)

» Urban Legends

Holiday bollocks
I'm sure everyone must have heard this at one time or another.
A quick breakdown:

A group of people go away together on holiday, everyone is having a great time but halfway through their stay they return home from the beach/bar only discover that their room has been broken into. After checking all their stuff is still there they put the incident to the back of their minds and get on with the holiday.

On their return, one of the group goes to get the film from the camera developed, only to find that in the middle of pictures of them at a club or on the beach is a bunch of photos of a bloke in their hotel room, taking a picture of himself sticking their toothbrushes, one by one, up his arse.

Tosh
(Thu 12th Jan 2006, 9:27, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

Parents can be so cruel
I went to school with a lad called Spencer Crushum.

Who needs bullies!!!
(Thu 25th May 2006, 13:23, More)

» Scary Neighbours

Street from the black lagoon
My street is some kind of strange backwater, completely removed from the nice, sunday morning mowing the lawn kinda village that surrounds it. In this street everybody seems to be related to the family next door or across the road. Last week I heard this little gem from over the garden fence, (mother to 7 year old son), "what have I told you about fucking swearing you stupid little cunt!? laugh??? I nearly got the ale in!. Other gems include the whole clan in the middle of the street (average age 45) beered up, playing badminton at 1.30am on a Thursday. One rather unsuspecting young fellow made the mistake of trying to burglerise one of the houses, got caught, slapped purple by about 20 of them and dumped 30 miles out in the middle of the moors. Elvis and his pink Cadillac practising 'its now or never' till all hours, skillfully backed up by some Cozy Powell wannabe 3 houses away.

Shitehawks

some girls like it that wide
(Wed 31st Aug 2005, 15:15, More)