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» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Twas my ex's birthday...
So we all went out - a load of us. She wasn't really into drugs at the time so i took it upon myself to have her share for her, well it was her birthday. Throughout the night i was becoming more and more muntered, in fact i was nearing Olympic standard in facial gymnastics. Whilst doing my best popeye impressions (unbeknown to me at the time but i have since seen the photos), i kept on gibbering about what i had just eaten. I become quite distraught when i was informed that i had not had anything to eat recently and insisted that i had. My tiring ex decided to tell me i had eaten tomato soup which i was not happy about at all. I then decided to ask her if she liked her ring that i got for her birthday - for about 4 hours. She did her best to ingore me as it wasn't actually her birthday til the day after so i hadn't given her her 'suprise' ring at this time. So she ended up taking me home at about 10.30 on her own birthday because i was too much of a state. She even managed to look suprised the next morning when i presented it to her (still pulling funny faces). Ahh, those were the days...
(Thu 15th Dec 2005, 13:38, More)

» Sacked

Accidental libel of one of the world's largest football clubs
For anyone interested, I can provide names of companies, people etc. Also, a 'friend' of mine still has one of these 'limited edition' memory cards.

(Wed 1st Mar 2006, 15:04, More)

» The Police

Don't invite the filth to your party!!!
Had a bit of a gathering a while back, you know the sort, 200ltrs of punch, fridge full of beer, banging tunes and an endless supply of 'party prescriptions'. We were asked to keep the latter under wraps or at least be discrete because one of the girls new fellas 'didn't like that sort of thing'. About 10 mins passed and as i was clearly hammered i decided it was time to liven things up a bit and went to see the 'doctor'. After performing a lucky dip in the kitchen, the next thing i knew was this bird was going mad, screaming (and thanking me?) before her and the said fella flew the party. Apparently her fella was sitting in the kitchen while i had my hand in a bag full of smarties. I turns out he's actually a copper.

But the best thing is his name...

Constable Constable.

Oh, how i laughed.

Apologies for length, girth and excess skin.
(Go easy on me, it's my first post)
(Thu 22nd Sep 2005, 13:45, More)