b3ta.com user LargeDoner
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» Pet Peeves

I really hate it.....
when people post answers and end them with "click I like this! if you agree!"

Click "I like this!" if you agree with me!
(Fri 2nd May 2008, 0:56, More)

» World of Random

World of Random? More like world of cock
Warning: This is very tenuously linked into this QOTW and has extreme lack of funnies but I heard this story tonight from someone I work with and think it deserves it's place....

A good few years ago (circa 1980's), my work mates mum died of cancer, which the local NHS Hospital didn't have the facilities to diagnose in time before it could be operated on.

Not one to fuck about, my mate ran the London Marathon and (along with several other fund raisers) was able to buy this hospital a million pound scanner so that others could be diagnosed quicker.

"Oh" says Mr Hospital Chief cnut bureaucrat, "thanks for buying this million pound scanner, but it will sit in the corner gathering dust, as we can't afford to pay for the 3 nurses to operate it".

So my mate (and plenty others) bust their guts (another marathon etc) to provide the money for the nurses to operate it.

A couple of years later, the decision is made to close this hospital. What happens to the scanner? Is it transferred to another hospital? is it put to good use?

No. It is scrapped. Scrapped. For junk.

Sorry for lack of funnies but just hearing this story tonight made my blood boil, and at the moment I can't think of anything in the world more random than the NHS scrapping kit more expensive than it could afford to buy, especially when people have slogged their guts out to buy it for them in the first place.
(Fri 22nd Apr 2011, 0:10, More)

» Narrow Escapes

Disaster at the Worlds Strongest Man competition
I was lucky enough to be able to watch the finals of the Worlds Strongest Man in 1986, it was a thrilling finish, some Icelandic bloke, and our very own Geoff Capes fighting for the title.

"Look at what their lifting Rowan" my dad would comment, condeming my weakness (as well as never being a strong lad, I also had my first name - mum's choice) while praising their strength in one single sentence. Luckily I was 9 at the time, and, as well as my dad, my half french / half cockney (think 2nd world war fraternisation) mate Peter was there to enjoy / share the shame with me.

In the final round (the giant log lift) Geoff is struggling to lift the mighty timber. All of us were shouting, trying to egg him on to lift it to take the lead, when his strength fails, and the log lands on him, and rolls into the crowd, causing chaos.

Pulled to safety by a friendly watcher, I look round for my dad amongst the scattered crowd - no sign of him. Hearing a shout I look forward and see Pete crouched by a man, crushed by the log. "Pete" I shout, "is that my dad?".

He replies "Nah Row, est Capes".
(Fri 20th Aug 2010, 22:48, More)

» Voyeurism

At a mates 21st birthday party a good few years ago....
As at all good house parties, the beer was flowing, the house was being trashed and everyone was getting pretty wasted. I started to feel in need of a place to crash out, and wandered up to my mate John's room.

Upon entering the room I discovered a couple going at it hammer and tongs. Sneaking out without being seen I went downstairs and announced to John in a loud voice that "people were fucking in his bed".

All of the males at the party then went up to have a look. Except John who ran outside to puke up. The shagging stopped (well I would be put off by 10 blokes watching) and everyone wandered off dispointed.

Until later on when the bloke (who was French) pulled the covers off so we could ogle his bird after she'd passed out.

Good times.....don't ask about length, I wasn't looking at that!
(Thu 11th Oct 2007, 18:28, More)

» Apparently I'm a sex offender

crates and bums.....
A few years back, at work, we were moving offices. I was stood by a stack of empty crates talking to someone i worked with (a bit of a creepy old bloke) when one of the secretaries walked past and stopped for a chat.

I leant back a bit and put my hand out onto the crates as you do and continued the conversation, I then noticed the girl seemed to be getting upset with the creepy bloke while at the same time my hand was trying to get an urgent message to my brain saying crates arent meant to be soft and curvy.....yep you guessed it.

Suprisingly enough the excuse "Im sorry, I thought it was a crate" doesn't work very well. I'd advise anyone else planning on using that excuse not too.
(Thu 17th Aug 2006, 23:38, More)
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