» What's the hardest you've tried to get dumped?

wrong number
my sister kept getting phonecalls off someone called clarissa asking for steve. everytime, 'sorry, i think you've got the wrong number' until the girl exploded down the other end of the line and said 'I KNOW YOU'RE HIDING HIM. WHERE IS HE?'

the phonecalls kept going on until she went to our dad who took the next phonecall and said, in his nastiest, dad tone of his voice "please stop ringing my daughter... and im not surprised he's hiding from you.'
(Sat 7th Jun 2008, 1:37, More)

» Dentists

Such a nice man.
My dentist was doing his usual check up of my teeth, then he said 'Wow. That enamel is really white. I've never seen it so clean before. Well done. I'm impressed."

This was quite good coming from a dentist so I felt quite pleased as I opened my eyes.

His assistant was scrubbing out the sink.
(Fri 3rd Nov 2006, 22:24, More)

» House Guests

i recently convinced my parents to house a friend of mine for a while
a couple of days ago, i received a phone call from my mum. there was the usual jibber-jabber then i asked after the friend.

"oh," my mum said angrily "well, i'd expect her to hide away and not come out to see anyone for the first couple of days but its been a fortnight now. its just a bit rude."

"well, you've got to give it a bit of time, mum. she's been through a bit of an ordeal and she doesn't know anyone there."

"yes, but we're putting a roof over her head and feeding her. we're all trying our hardest to make her feel welcome. you know... at some point she's got to come out and meet everyone halfway."

"i hear she's been getting on ok with dad."

"yes... well..."

"and mum... she is a cat."
(Sun 9th Jan 2011, 17:31, More)

» Narrow Escapes

forgotten this gem ... or repressed? who knows?
i guess this was about five or six years ago. just finishing high school, aged about fifteen, and i was incredibly naive and incredibly shy. i was also a bit of a geek but a couple of girls had taken me under their wing. we had started pretending we were going to each others houses for a sleep-over and sneaking into clubs or going to parties.

one of the girls had recently struck a friendship with a girl (let's call her linda) who was in a bit of a bad situation. at a young age, she'd been pushed into drug use and prostitution. now, she was pregnant.

our friend decided this girl needed a bit of cheering up and invited the rest of us to a gathering at linda's council house. apparently a couple of linda's friends were going. so we all turn up at linda's house and, to our surprise / alarm / horror linda is drinking from a massive bottle of vk. not good for the baby surely? our friend is incredibly drunk and linda has encouraged her to borrow a very revealing top.

worse yet, about seven dodgy looking men turn up who are all about ten years older than the lot of us. linda disappears with one of them into the kitchen and leaves us to entertain the rest.

soon enough, we clock that its been a trick and that linda has promised these men a very special kind of entertainment. the four of us grab our very drunken friend and drag her into the bathroom. eventually, we re-emerge because one of the men is hammering on the door and tell them that our friend desperately needs some fresh air. they aren't convinced so they follow us outside... which is when we run off.

the night was made much worse by two of them following us right up until the main club street where two fully grown men chasing five terrified teenage girls might have aroused suspicion.
(Sun 22nd Aug 2010, 19:00, More)

» Caught!

i remember this conversation between my dad and my youngest sister fondly
we'd found my other sister's doll lying broken in the toy chest. obviously, debbie is not going to break her own toy. and i am too old by this point to go near the doll. my youngest bro is unable to walk, talk or... lift up the toy chest... the dog is ruled, the cat is ruled out, my parents aren't that malicious ... who could have done it?

well, alice insists its not her. so my dad goes to great lengths to make her admit what she's done before pulling the meanest trick iv ever seen...

"alice, if you tell me the truth, i'll buy you a present."
"ok, i did it."
"no present. go to your room."

owch.
(Thu 3rd Jun 2010, 17:15, More)