» Misunderstood

Your dog will be shot
I was staying with my Italian friend in Rome a couple of years ago, and she was talking about her imminent trip to Sardinia with her parents and dog, Lara.

"I'm really looking forward to it," she said, "But I'm worried about Lara with the sheep."
"Oh yes," I replied, imagining her concern about her over-excitable dog chasing the no doubt numerable sheep in the Sardinian countryside, "You know if your dog is running around doing that in England, it could be shot."

My friend gasped in horror and confusion and told her mother what I had just said, who also looked at me with a look that clearly wondered what kind of barbaric nation I lived in.

Turned out she was worried about the dog getting sea-sick... on the ship. I was too embarrassed to explain.
(Sat 8th Oct 2005, 14:57, More)

» Dentists

I warned him...
Went to have my wisdom teeth taken out last year, all four of them. The first two went quite smoothly, apart from leaving me with a bruise under the left side of my chin for which I got pitying "you should leave him, love" looks from people in shops.

The second two didn't go quite as well. It took a while for the dentist to get the top one out, by which time the local anesthetic had worn off considerably on the bottom one. The dentist began to pull at it enthusiastically with his pliers (they are, aren't they?) so I started to protest, the only way I knew how with his hands in my mouth.

"Whaaaarr," I said.

He kept pulling.

"WHAAAAAARR!" I repeated a bit more loudly.

The bastard kept pulling.

So I did the only natural thing and shut my mouth, screaming "That hurt!" as I did so.

"Well I'll give you some more anesthetic," my dentist said calmly, "As soon as you stop biting my fingers."

I'd clamped down on his fingers as hard as I could as a reflex, through his gloves and half through his skin. I was quite impressed at how cool he stayed, but then again dentists are emotionless bastards in general aren't they.
(Thu 2nd Nov 2006, 19:03, More)