» Pretentious bollocks

After reading teh bobs post
i decided to take a little look around that site and came across this stroke of masterful genius.

www.tate.org.uk/modern/exhibitions/raisedawareness/ziranek.htm


Now forgive me if i sound out of place but surley this kinda thing can drawn by most people.

My 10 yr old sister can draw shit like this and the only resons she dosnt get praize for it is because she hasnt gone to some sort of lardy da art school.

Its the description that gets me "In the centre of the drawing there are two shoes. The shoe on top is drawn from sideways on, it has a stiletto heel and a chisel toe. The other shoe is drawn from above and is very narrow in the middle, widening at either end. Both shoes are entirely decorated with hearts.

The Artist's initials SZ are in the bottom right hand corner, and the composition is framed in a continuous row of small hearts some of which are dripping - tears or blood?"

For those of us who have a very limited understanding of simple objects and shapes

Pretentious Bastards
(Fri 30th Sep 2005, 11:22, More)

» Toilets

Flippin Crazy Cat
After reading a few of these i was just reminded of an incident involving a mates cat.

Set the scene, teenage party......lots of booze......and a cat.

Cue the cat meowing all poxy evening wanting as my mate put it *a good stroking*. Being intoxicated we soon forgot about the cat.

Later that evening i stumble towards the toilet to relieve myself of the copious amount of alcohol to be confronted by a closed bathroom door, i knock politley as not to cause embaressment to anyone allready in there.

As i open the door i hear a blood curdling Screech followed by a pooy blur running from inside the bath up the shower curtain and past my head.

Upon closer inspection i had disturbed the cat mid-poop which it was doing over the plug hole of the bath. REalising someone had discovered his evil plans made a mad dash. Hence Flithy Stinking cat poo all over the bath, Spayed all up the shower curtain and over the door.

when my mates parents got home they shouted at him for not letting the cat out and made him clean it up....still rather drunk
(Tue 6th Sep 2005, 13:42, More)

» Essential Items

Sponge sealife
I have been carrying around with me a small blue sponge fish the last year, im sure it holds some sentimentality but im not sure. Might just carry it to soak any small puddles of luqid i might happen to come accross and therefore save the day.

oh and i also carry around with me almost every cinema ticket from every film i've seen in the last year......thing is i have an unlimited card thingy so its gettin a little bulky in my wallet.

i also cary around a mini xbox, reminds me of my only true friend at home :( (least that black box wont break my heart)

Bitter at someone...me....damn right !
(Fri 28th Oct 2005, 13:37, More)

» School fights

Split lip anyone ?
Now normally im not one for fighting in general but being now 6'4 and always pretty tall and well built i knew how to handle myself.

I have a number of stories i could relate but im gonna narrow it down to 3.

1) For some reason there was a kid in the year above me who took it upon himself to "try" and bully me. Cue a few weeks of me puttin up with his shovings and name callings, then one night me and a friend come across him sitting outside the local shop. I call him a twat, he jumps in the air and lands a nice sucker punch on me nose ( cur lots of bleeding) and me over powering him and beating 7 shades of shit out him. It all ended im afraid when his mum came out of the shop and stated screeching and dragged him away*.

2) Night out at 15. Gone to a party and drunk a few too many ciders (no good for your inards kids). Local "hard" kid take a fancy to me and randomly jumps me while walking off. i go to ground and cut my hand on the floor and see red, next i remember being pulled off the kid by some passer by while still lashing out at the bloodied kids face. Got picked up by my nan later that night dirty and covered in blood.....not a word said ( My nans great)

3) thrid and final story was the morning of a G.C.S.E history exam. I felt hungry and wandered to the tuck shop at break to get me some tasty crumpets (odd but they sold crumpets) On route i see the years annoying kid. i think i called him an accident or something, along the lines of "your dad jized on the sofa and mum sat on it" normal teenage insults. He took exception to this comment and began to egg me on to hit him and back my comment up. Him being a great deal smaller than me and sporting a fetching pair of NHS glasses i was a little reluctant. Eventully i just gave in to his request and sparked him straight in the side of the head, down he goes and off i walk to get my crumpets. He comes back for more only this time goes for the kill. God knows how (im not the quickest mover) i dodge his punch to land a tasty reflex punch square in his mouth, sending blood all up my arm and over my face. He had to miss the exam to go and get his lip glued and i got away scott free. The teachers luved me.

The legnth ok, but the girth is all natural baby
(Tue 14th Mar 2006, 16:42, More)