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- a member for 18 years, 7 months and 27 days
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» Ignoring Instructions
Unwritten instructions
I've a bad habit of disobeying life's unwritten instructions. You know the sort? Along the lines of "Don't attempt to eat this giraffe"?
I'm fairly sure there's one that states, "While using a steam iron, be sure to wear pants."
OW, people. BURNS TO THE GROIN.
A friend responded to my anguished sms with:
"It is with great trepidation I say that I always thought you had a hot pussy."
(Mon 8th May 2006, 16:02, More)
Unwritten instructions
I've a bad habit of disobeying life's unwritten instructions. You know the sort? Along the lines of "Don't attempt to eat this giraffe"?
I'm fairly sure there's one that states, "While using a steam iron, be sure to wear pants."
OW, people. BURNS TO THE GROIN.
A friend responded to my anguished sms with:
"It is with great trepidation I say that I always thought you had a hot pussy."
(Mon 8th May 2006, 16:02, More)
» Misunderstood
Red buttons.
I work with a little autistic darling who has a very unusual concept of how the world works.
After a swim at the beach, I showed him to the changerooms, and settled down beside a friendly, traditionally dressed Hindu grandmother to wait.
As my lad came out, I had a sudden 'Oh no' moment. You know the bindi married Hindu women often wear between their eyes? The round, circular one, that looks like a button?...
Oh yes. He raced up to her, stared at it intently, then pressed it. He was rather annoyed when nothing happened.
(Sat 8th Oct 2005, 0:52, More)
Red buttons.
I work with a little autistic darling who has a very unusual concept of how the world works.
After a swim at the beach, I showed him to the changerooms, and settled down beside a friendly, traditionally dressed Hindu grandmother to wait.
As my lad came out, I had a sudden 'Oh no' moment. You know the bindi married Hindu women often wear between their eyes? The round, circular one, that looks like a button?...
Oh yes. He raced up to her, stared at it intently, then pressed it. He was rather annoyed when nothing happened.
(Sat 8th Oct 2005, 0:52, More)
» I hurt my rude bits
Life's little instruction book
I've a bad habit of disobeying life's unwritten instructions. You know the sort? Along the lines of "Don't attempt to eat this giraffe"?
I'm fairly sure there's one that states, "While using a steam iron, be sure to wear pants."
I prepared for work one day, disregarding this rule, and sure enough when I decided a collar needed an extra burst of steam, OW OW OW BURNS TO THE GROIN, OW, 6 AM Australian Eastern Standard Time. I had to wear waist high pants -- and plenty of soft, medicated dressings-- to work for the next week. But the first thing I did was SMS a best mate to tell him what I'd done.
He replied to my anguished sms with:
"It is with great trepidation I say that I always thought you had a hot pussy."
(This response is similar to one I've submitted previously in the Unwritten Instructions QOTW)
(Sun 16th Jul 2006, 4:09, More)
Life's little instruction book
I've a bad habit of disobeying life's unwritten instructions. You know the sort? Along the lines of "Don't attempt to eat this giraffe"?
I'm fairly sure there's one that states, "While using a steam iron, be sure to wear pants."
I prepared for work one day, disregarding this rule, and sure enough when I decided a collar needed an extra burst of steam, OW OW OW BURNS TO THE GROIN, OW, 6 AM Australian Eastern Standard Time. I had to wear waist high pants -- and plenty of soft, medicated dressings-- to work for the next week. But the first thing I did was SMS a best mate to tell him what I'd done.
He replied to my anguished sms with:
"It is with great trepidation I say that I always thought you had a hot pussy."
(This response is similar to one I've submitted previously in the Unwritten Instructions QOTW)
(Sun 16th Jul 2006, 4:09, More)
» Essential Items
Medical paraphernalia
A diabetic friend used to always wear cargo pants. He'd stock one pocket with lollies, and the opposite pocket with one shot insulin needles. You could tell by the sudden stream of curses which side he'd sat on.
(Sat 29th Oct 2005, 4:12, More)
Medical paraphernalia
A diabetic friend used to always wear cargo pants. He'd stock one pocket with lollies, and the opposite pocket with one shot insulin needles. You could tell by the sudden stream of curses which side he'd sat on.
(Sat 29th Oct 2005, 4:12, More)
» Urban Legends
The meat in the sandwich
An ex of mine, 20 at the time of this tale, was absolutely convinced that cattle had a muscle layer, a meat layer, and a fat layer. And we ate only the meat, or "steak", layer.
He came from cattle country.
Oh boy, it made a wonderful story at his 21st.
(Wed 11th Jan 2006, 11:51, More)
The meat in the sandwich
An ex of mine, 20 at the time of this tale, was absolutely convinced that cattle had a muscle layer, a meat layer, and a fat layer. And we ate only the meat, or "steak", layer.
He came from cattle country.
Oh boy, it made a wonderful story at his 21st.
(Wed 11th Jan 2006, 11:51, More)