b3ta.com user Cactus 1
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Profile for Cactus 1:
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Something about me... Well, I work in the PR industry and get paid to look at websites written in funny foreign languages. I live in Surrey in a state of permanent chaos caused by pets, wife and far more children then was sensible.

I have no arty skills which is why I shun the main board.

Come and taste my plums!
My plums are ripe and pleasant!
I grew my plums my self
Like some proley fucking peasant.
© baldmonkey

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Shag Stick

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Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» The most cash I've ever carried

When I was about 18
I was asked to pay £20,000 in cash to a person I had never met before by my brother in law to "sort out" a property transaction.

God knows why, but I agreed to do it. As I handed over the dosh, a thought struck me... what if this is a con?

Quick as a flash I decided to ask the guy to sign a receipt for the cash. He was not happy, but eventually agreed so I frantically hunted down some paper and a pen. The best I could do was the back of a phone bill and a red felt tip pen.

Having got the signature, I headed off feeling pleased with myself. It wasn't until I told my B.I.L. about it that I looked at the signature.

Mr T. Watt

The deal went through fine despite me.
(Thu 22nd Jun 2006, 20:08, More)

» Toilets

Morroco again
I stayed at a Youth Hostel in some god forsaken town. The hole in the floor loo was the deluxe version in that it was positioned directly below the shower.

If you went for a shit, the foot holds would be wet with water from the shower.

If you went for a shower your bare feet would be next to the stinking hole.

God help you if you dropped the soap.
(Fri 2nd Sep 2005, 14:14, More)

» Real Life Slapstick II

A guy I was at school with had to have stitches in his arm after being stabbed with a Twiglet.

We were having a Twiglet dueling session (as you do when you're a bored 15 year old with Twiglets) and while most of our attempts at stabbing ended in broken Twiglet shame, one person managed a side on Twiglet lunge which caused quite a gash.

Not really slapstick but it's the best I can do.
(Sun 5th Oct 2014, 20:46, More)

» Posh

I'm so posh
that I use a knife & fork to eat my kebab.

And I have a bath once a month.

And my pet rottweiller is called Camilla.

And my seven children all live away from me (OK, at a borstal not a boarding school but it's a start).
(Fri 16th Sep 2005, 10:54, More)