He's ubes rub

(Sat 19th Mar 2011, 12:54, More)

Have a poorly done thing


I'm half asleep, what do you expect?
(Tue 18th Mar 2008, 23:30, More)

(Thu 22nd Feb 2007, 0:03, More)

(Mon 9th May 2005, 20:55, More)

Keith 3


Keith 1
Keith 2
(Mon 28th Jun 2004, 15:54, More)

Not sure why...

(Wed 18th Feb 2004, 18:52, More)

The ideal Christmas present


Click to have your very own cut out and keep fun-glee toy
(Mon 11th Aug 2003, 16:49, More)

V2 New improved milky action

(Sun 8th Jun 2003, 15:57, More)

(Thu 8th May 2003, 0:13, More)

What a show!
They played all their hits too!

(Sun 20th Apr 2003, 19:42, More)

» Have you ever paid for sex?

Accidental prostitute
I remember going on a date with a student nurse and, after a few drinks, we ended up back at her place.

We decided to order a pizza and I thought I'd be a gentleman and pay once it arrived (classy eh?)

When the pizza was eventually delivered I was in the bathroom so she answered the door and payed the man.

We shared the romantic candle-lit pizza, listened to some soft music and retired to the bedroom.

The next morning I awoke and realised I was late for work so, while she slept on, I grabbed my clothes and made a dash for the train. Suddenly I remembered - pizza! - I ought to leave some money for it. I decided to leave a note alongside the cost of the previous evening's meal.

It was only after I shut her front door I realised that the first thing the poor woman would see when she woke up was £10 on her table with a note saying "Thanks. Tasted lovely."
(Fri 20th Jan 2006, 20:31, More)

» Inventions You're Too Lazy To Make

Nuclear Wombles
Womble eggs are injected with special radioactive waste and then left in prime locations (such as Iraq, Libya or France)

The Womblings hatch and scurry silently around, Wombling free - making the most of the things that they find, things that most everyday folk leave behind.

Then, when there's a war, a special walky talky owned by President Bush is pressed and the nuclear Wombles explode, killing millions of innocent people and bringing peace to this fair world once more.

I'd imagine there would be a resistance movement, but they would have to remain underground, overground.
(Thu 8th Apr 2004, 9:31, More)

» Lies I told on my CV

Not so much a lie on my cv,
as a lie on someone else's.

My first ever job was with a recruitment agency called 'Sal-Tech' and being the 'boy' in the office was underpaid and generally treated like shit. My boss was a semi retired woman of nominal sanity and an insoucient alcoholic bent.

On my final day, I vowed revenge and, naturally, got drunk at lunchtime. When I came back, I picked the first cv I could find on the database - a Mr R Putta if my memory serves me well - and set to work.

'Our candidate has an absolutely enormous penis', it began, his hobbies including such activities as 'child abuse' and there was mention that should any prospctive employees offer him the job, he would suck their helmets 'to full completion'.

I printed off some copies of his cv and posted them, along with a Sal-Tech compliment slip to such companies as Marconi, Glaxo and a number of telecommunications companies.

A few days later I received a letter from Sal-Tech asking if I knew anything about some cvs and that they were taking the matter further.

I shat myself - but managed to type up an unsigned letter, effectively blaming it all on the backward girl who worked in accounts.

To this day I wonder what ever happened to Mr R Putta. Bet he's earning more than me...
(Fri 7th Jul 2006, 19:47, More)

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

I just bought 2000 slices of spam in batter
I'm just frittering away my money.
(Tue 8th May 2018, 9:28, More)

» Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?

I
once shouted "Cuntbone" at Simon Mayo.

It wasn't big. It wasn't clever. But it was so damn right.
(Wed 14th Apr 2004, 20:25, More)