b3ta.com user e p f
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for e p f:
Profile Info:


Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Intense Friendships

camp friends
me and my mate; we've chatted in teepees, bonded in marquees, argued in gazebos and laughed in wigwams.

you could say our friendship was in-tents.

shoot me now.
(Mon 31st Jul 2006, 15:20, More)

» In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces

survival mission
no army experiences as i'm bit of a hippy despite being from an army family (born on a base and all that).

did encounter the army once. i was about 16 - 17 and living the countryside, welsh border kind of area, nothing to do so myself and a few friends used to go camping each weekend, take our girlfriends, get high and drunk and make mischief.

i'll always remeber one night, on some particularly frightening acid, sitting in our little tent and having a 'blair witch' moment when we all heard a sound outside. a sudden terrified silence fell accross us all for about half a minute untill it was suddenly broken by the zip at the front of our tent whooshing up and two blacked up faces peering in, accompanied by two frighteningly large knives.

utter terror sobored us up but left us speachless as the faces looked around the tent until one of them smiled and uttered the line 'alright lads, got any food?'

It seems the SAS used the woods we were in for survival training missions - live off the land sort of thing. after making us promise to clear out by 9am the next day, assuring us they'd be back to check, they procedded to clear us out of ham sandwiches, monster munch, thunderbrids wine, cider, spliff and fags. they let us keep our acid though and spend the rest of the night relative peace.

not really an army story i know but how many times are the SAS going to come accross hippy kids and their extensive munchy supplies in a real war?
(Fri 24th Mar 2006, 12:35, More)

» Have you ever paid for sex?

er... yes
in amsterdam and very very stoned. i have that whole body buzz and feel like i'm balancing on that fence between euphoria and vomiting. now, if i was at home and alone i'd found that cracking on out off the wrist usual solved the situation... it cleared my head or i'd end up happily asleep with no spins and no sicks.

of the group i'm with one matey has been happily heading off into the red light district for a ride two or tree times each day and on his return unashamedly recounting what's occured.

so, feeling the way i do i decide to to head off with him so i can 'have a look around'. he finds what he's looking for and i continue to wander around, sweating and staggering.

eventually i come accross this vision of spendid spendidness and go in with her to her place of business. now, up untill then i'd only really heard stories of what happened based on people going to bars in london and ending up being forced by huge bouncers to empty their bank accounts. so, when she says 50 euro for 20 minutes i thought 'fair enough'.

however, once i get down to business this '20 minutes' thing keeps going around my head and i start looking for the time, my phone is in my pocket, i don't have a watch, i look at her wrist and she doesn't have a watch. i look around the room and there's no clock, a mirror the length of a wall but no clock. and so i ask her 'how long have i been' and she says not long, don't worry' and i don't even have any more money to pay if i go over time. and maybe the mirror is two way and there's a bouncer or boyfriend looking waiting to come in if i can't pay the extra. and this time thing is going round my head and i'm starting to lose interest in the sex. and i ask her again and she says don't worry again and then i tell her i don't have any more money if we go over time and and she says don't worry you 'll be finished soon and that, for some stupid stoner reason, makes me panic and i jump away from her and start pulling my clothes on and she looks a bit anoyed and asks what's wrong and that sends my running out into the night, trousers half way up, jacket still in with her and my balls aching and full.

and then, as i'm walking away, doing my trousers up and taking corner after corner to escape i bump into my mate as he's leaving his hooker... a hooker that he'd been with for 20 minutes and that he'd gone into see at least ten, possibly 15 minutes before i'd found mine. meaning that i'd had less than 5 minutes of panicky action before running away believing i was on some kind of hooker meter that was ticking it's way through my holiday money...
(Fri 20th Jan 2006, 12:38, More)

» Cheating cheaty cheats

of course it's own work...
The Ultimate Cheat

At a company I worked for my boss asked me to hack the system of the guy who was setting the questions for a company Treasure hunt/Quiz. This I duly did.

Armed with all of the questions and answers we then went into uber-cheat mode.

Went to the pubs people had to visit the night before the Treasure hunt and altered or removed the objects they were supposed to find.

Spent an afternoon before the Treasure Hunt gathering the various objects we were supposed to gather before the hunt had even started.

But my favourite was sabotaging another teams sculpture. One of the tasks you had to do was to build something out of drinks straws. Having the collective artistic abilities of a drunken Aardvark, the best we could come up with was a Bra made out of straws. On our travels we bumped into another team who had built this incredibly detailed giraffe. It was truly a work of art and made our effort look pathetic. My boss distracted the other team and while they weren't looking, I set fire to their giraffe.

I'm a bad man.....

[Mod Edit: see me after class]
(Thu 17th Nov 2005, 12:52, More)

» Teenage Parties

big que for the toilet. in desperation my mate kneels down at the top of the stairs and spews a perfect pint of vomit into a pint glass. nice little head on it and everything. i smile up at him from the bottom of the stairs - disaster avoided. mate raises his arms in triumph and knocks the pint-o-vom over, spilling and splattering down the length of the stairs, finally coming to rest at the front door and leaving a stain that's still there today...
(Thu 13th Apr 2006, 10:43, More)
[read all their answers]