b3ta.com user Lamonstrous
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» Sacked

workplace damage
A friend worked at the local airport mowing the grass. Fellow employee was peeling around on a forklift at high speed w/ forks at maximum elevation, took a sharp turn near one of the jets and knocked the radar nose cone off an L-1011, doing damage to the tune of $3 million (Canadian).

while not fired, he was charged by the Mounties for doing that much damage. Had a heart attack though, so threw himself on the mercy of the court.
(Wed 1st Mar 2006, 18:08, More)

» Essential Items

A hunting knife
Well, not me, but my pal Pat, who is a keen woodsman in the wilds of British Columbia Canada.
It was discovered as he passed through security at Heathrow 2 weeks after 9/11, when his carry-on went through the X-Ray machine.
"have you got a knife in your bag, sir?"
"You're sure you don't have a knife in your bag?"
Cue security guard withdrawing large carver.
"Ohhhh, yess. That's my favourite knife. Can you send it to me somehow?"
Security guard makes reassuring "yes" noises while poking frantically at security button beneath the desk. Uzi-toting security guards in kevlar swarm towards my pal and sweep him away to an interrogation room with my other friend, a lawyer. Third friend sprints for washroom where he expels his anxiety.
My lawyer friend explains that Pat mistakenly transferred his hunting knife from his regular luggage to his carry on. Copper asks "is that the case, sir"
Pat: "Nope I was carrying it around London for a couple of days and using it to open bottles of beer and wine."
Turns out it is illegal to even own such a knife in the U.K., but the cops let him off because they swallowed the "rugged Canadian woodsman," angle.
Lucky for him.
On the return trip, their plane encountered turbulence so bad a man in the loo was thrown into the aisle, where he flopped around like a fish with his trous round his knees. Sad that.
(Fri 28th Oct 2005, 20:43, More)

» Fire!

alcohol + fire
Xmas early 90's meant a road trip to the U.S. to buy tax-free liquor, including 190 proof (95% pure) Everclear.

The timmies in the crowd drank flaming spoonfuls, but I retreated to the kitchen with my partners in crime. For safety's sake, we placed an empty Frozen o.j. can in the middle of a frying pan, splashed in some booze and lit it. The flames were a bit weak, so I dashed on some more - the flames shot up the stream booze and into the bottle, causing a soft explosion which shot flaming Everclear all over the kitchen- setting kitchen cloths, the floor, and some shoes on fire.

We beat the flames out in a frenzy, then ran away. Apparently the guests in the living room were curious about the sudden blast of heat from the kitchen, but damage was minimal. Then I sat and played "Needle and the Damage Done" and drunk drove to the next Xmas do.
(Mon 7th Nov 2005, 19:51, More)