A hunting knife
Well, not me, but my pal Pat, who is a keen woodsman in the wilds of British Columbia Canada.
It was discovered as he passed through security at Heathrow 2 weeks after 9/11, when his carry-on went through the X-Ray machine.
"have you got a knife in your bag, sir?"
"Nope."
"You're sure you don't have a knife in your bag?"
"Nope."
Cue security guard withdrawing large carver.
"Ohhhh, yess. That's my favourite knife. Can you send it to me somehow?"
Security guard makes reassuring "yes" noises while poking frantically at security button beneath the desk. Uzi-toting security guards in kevlar swarm towards my pal and sweep him away to an interrogation room with my other friend, a lawyer. Third friend sprints for washroom where he expels his anxiety.
My lawyer friend explains that Pat mistakenly transferred his hunting knife from his regular luggage to his carry on. Copper asks "is that the case, sir"
Pat: "Nope I was carrying it around London for a couple of days and using it to open bottles of beer and wine."
Turns out it is illegal to even own such a knife in the U.K., but the cops let him off because they swallowed the "rugged Canadian woodsman," angle.
Lucky for him.
On the return trip, their plane encountered turbulence so bad a man in the loo was thrown into the aisle, where he flopped around like a fish with his trous round his knees. Sad that.
(Lamonstrous, Fri 28 Oct 2005, 20:43, Reply)