b3ta.com user oller
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» Have you ever paid for sex?

i haven't.. but in barcelona my friend kinda did....
Last year, myself and 3 other mates went to www.sonar.es - a wicked music festival in barcelona. We flew over a few days before the festival began to make it a bit of a holiday.

In typical fashion, we all went a bit overboard on the first night. The "yay! we're on holiday" mentality really kicked in. Again, it being the first night, we went out at a time a brit would, and carried on drinking until the time a spaniard would stop. Effectively doubling the typical consumption for a night out :) Now, you know an evening was heavy when all 4 of you lose each other and come back on your own. This was our first night out, and fortunately 3 of us had managed to make a mental note of where our appartment was. Our 4th man hadn't.

He shall be the star of this tale. It came until the next morning, and he'd still not turned up back at the apartment - then as we're getting ready for a wander, he comes in at 3pm and just collapses.

It turns out - he'd come out of a club at chucking out time, when a whore then offered some services. He thought he'd play if safe and just get a blow job, she used a condom too. When this had finished, he went to pay her, when he realised he had no cash on him. So the drunk/guilt logic of an idiot - her gave her his mobile phone as payment. This was his mistake.

He was then lost in an alien city, with no idea where he was, where his appartment was, and no means of contacting us. He wandered the streets for hours, slept on a park bench for a while then eventually around lunch time had a flash back and managed to get a cab back.

After his nap that afternoon he met us at a bar, went for a piss then came out looking disgusted. He'd gone for a piss and realised he still had the condom on. haha.
(Thu 19th Jan 2006, 15:31, More)

» Ignoring Instructions

cooking peas
This happened while at uni, so we're talking young adults in their early 20s. I had my dinner cooking and i was just in the living room, one of my housemates was in the kitchen at the time, so i just shouted to them asking if they could put some peas on for me as i'd forgotten. "sure, no worries"

So, come serving time i head into the kitchen, look at the hob and the peas aren't there.

I accuse the housemate of winding me up and that the meal will now be pealess. He shouts back insisting he put them on.

I open the oven to find evenly spread out over a baking tray are lots of little black balls. haha. he'll never live it down.
(Mon 8th May 2006, 11:40, More)

» Heckles

poor sol campbell
a while back i was driving and listening to an arsenal match on 5 live. this was just after sol's return to first team action after taking a while off due to a bereavement.

sol was taking a throw on - and they must have switched over to a pitchside mic near sol. over the background crowd noises, clear as day - you heard one loud bloke shout the immortal words..

"Your Dad's DEAD! AHHHH!"
(Wed 12th Apr 2006, 12:29, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

taking a sip.....
there's nothing like getting a big bag of green in, some mates round and a game of risk.

this was going on one evening, and after a fair few j's, we'd gone outside to smoke another. it was pretty dark outside - so i'd brought out some fairy lights (lil candle things). however the wind was blowing these out - so i cleverly stumbled back in to retrieve some empty glasses to put the fairy lights in, shielding them from the wind.

after a few more tokes, j in one hand i go for my drink on the table, pick up the wrong glass and pour a fairy light complete with molten wax into my mouth!

i remember as it got to the critical point, "oooh this orange squash is very warm"

what compounds this sorry tale, is that i lost africa on the next go :(
(Thu 15th Dec 2005, 13:11, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

dead babies.....
q) what do you get if you put a dead baby in a blender?

a) an erection
(Wed 7th Dec 2005, 17:28, More)
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