b3ta.com user Pigpen
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» School fights

Get the cunts!
I remember in year 8 there was a rugby match between our school and our bitter rivals (such was the depth of the hatred that I've completely forgotten who it was!). It was during the lunch break that me and a friend were walking back from the local shop, we saw a couple of kids from the rival school. They were hanging around and looking a bit menacing ... quite possibly they were smoking too ... any way they meant business! As we passed them they began to badmouth the school and told us we were a bunch of faggots. We were most annoyed. We went and told a couple of guys we knew in the year above about this and they became interested ... they told a few friends to go and find some others and soon about 50 or 60 kids began descending on the front of the school. The rival kids saw this mob approaching and looked on in disbelief ... there were a few moments of silence which were eventually broken by a cry of 'GET THE CUNTS!!!' Not surprisingly they didn't hang around and were last seen knocking over dustbins in the distance and falling over. OK, this wasn't actually a fight as such, but it always makes me chuckle when I think of it!
(Fri 10th Mar 2006, 14:56, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

A man phones into work one monday morning:
man: i can't come in today, i'm sick
boss: what's the matter?
man: i cut up my wife with a chainsaw then raped my 6 year old son
boss: will you be in tuesday?
(Wed 7th Dec 2005, 15:00, More)

» Teenage Parties

Rich? What's this?
My parents had gone away for the weekend which to a fifteen year old means: "it am party tiem!"
Me and some mates managed to purchase a couple of 12 packs of lager, some evil cheap vodka, and some noxious smelling red stuff that could probably dissolve a corpse. The next step was the purchase of some 'special herbs' and, as a natural follow on from the former, as many packets of pringles, choccies, and cakes that we could lay our grubby little hands on.
With everything prepared, people began to arrive and the good times did roll! Music was played at deafening volumes, off limit rooms were breached and general chaos began to take over. I can't complain, because i had a helping hand in much of the chaos! Any hoo, the party came to an end at some ungodly hour and a few people crashed out and while i sat to watch the sunrise over the city.
The tidy up the next day seemed to go quite well, nothing appeared to be broken, no items had been stolen (a fucking miracle knowing some of my friends!), and i relaxed with a nice drink and a spliff.
It was a few days later when my mum walked into my room and said: "did you have a party while we were away?" i put on my most innocent expression and said of course not, you said i wasn't allowed! it was then that she produced from behind her back a make shift bong, that i vaguely remember trying out, and the virtually empty bottle of evil red stuff. "Rich? What's this?" i didn't even bother trying to think of an excuse, and it wouldn't have done me any good if i'd tried to think of one cos one of my neighbours grassed me up as well! Bam! grounded!
(Fri 14th Apr 2006, 20:33, More)

» Awesome Sickies

I used to work for an investment company
in a call center, it was the most soul destroying job i've ever undertaken. After a week or so of having people scream at me for falls in the value of their investents due to a market drop, i'd had enough!
I rang up one morning and spoke to my team leader, who was nothing if not gullible. I lay on my back on my bed with my head hanging over the side so that i had difficulty talking and told him I was ill and wouldn't be able to make it in.
He said it was probably for the best, because I sounded so ill. While the rest of the department continued to get an ear bashing, I kicked back and chilled with a load of mates. I kept it up for a week and then mysteriously got better just before I would have had to get a sick note.
(Fri 9th Jun 2006, 14:49, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

My nickname is 'Bizatch'
In the place I used to work, one of my mates was quite into his hip hop lingo and kept calling me 'Rizatch' as my name is Rich. After a while he added 'Bitch' to the end and it some how stuck and has followed me around for almost 5 years now. Yay!
(Sat 20th May 2006, 20:09, More)
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