b3ta.com user Black_Dwarf
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» Awesome Sickies

Physical Education my arse!
I schived a whole year of P.E in year 10 by attending my MATE's drum lesson. Was questioned by senior staff half whay through the year about why I was absent from PE. I didn't lie, my answer was:
'I was at a drum lesson'
'Oh, fair enough' Was their reply.

Three weeks before the end of the year I was again called to senior staff office:
'You weren't at a drum lesson were you'
'Yes, I was' I reply
'It wasn't YOUR drum lesson though was it'
'Hmm, no, I never said that, but I didn't lie'

Got a severe bollocking, got told to go to my remaining PE lessons, and was actually faced with a bill for a year's worth of drum lessons!!

I didn't pay them. Cnuts.

Ooh, and I didn't attend my remaining PE lessons :D

Apologies for length, girth etc, but they were all increased by a lack of excercise for a year.
(Mon 12th Jun 2006, 13:14, More)

» My computer gave away my secrets

Me being clumsy...
My girlfriend found my porn on my computer (well... one of the stashes anyway). However she found the bigger, better stash. Bugger. She got paranoid, so to convince her I loved her so (dumbass), I deleted it in front of her. All 15 gigs of it... Needless to say I didnt have backups, and lost my favourite fwap-stash. Fucksocks.
She also wasnt happy when she stumbled across the forgotten-about folder full of pictures of my ex-girlfriend's (large, gorgeous, lay-your-head-between-them-and-fall-asleep-forever) boobies. Eeep. I told her I deleted them... I really just burned them to a CD. *fwap*
(Fri 10th Feb 2006, 11:50, More)

» Airport Stories

This Isn't the Terrorist you are looking for...
My Father and myself have the same first and last names.. Fair enough.. However, this is also obviously the name of someone who's on the FBI/CIA/MOD blacklist for being 'wanted'. This leads to much hilarity (or not) when going anywhere via plane.
We obviously get flagged up and, both times we have travelled to Florida (and my dad goes to the US more often), I get frisked.
So far, in the last 4 plane journeys (Floria x2, Corfu and internal flight to Edinburgh), i have been frisked a whopping 16 times! (going out, coming in, going out, coming in for each journey)
Ok, I'm 20, have long hair, wear baggy trousers etc... But do I obviously look like THAT much of a threat?

Length? Girth? They should know.. Its more than once someone's copped a feel (accidental or otherwise) while frisking!
(Fri 3rd Mar 2006, 13:59, More)

» Cheating cheaty cheats

Maths GCSE Cheating
I cheated on my GCSE Maths non-calculator paper by taking my mobile phone in my pocket with me.

Needless to say it was useless. I got one incorrrect answer off it, and funnily enough, a Nokia 3310 didn't handle trigonometry very well.

Pile of shit.
(Fri 18th Nov 2005, 10:17, More)

» Mobile phone disasters

I was calling Be* Tech Support
And was advised to change the filter on my socket. So, downstairs I go, talking to this guy, saying it wasn't the filter, blah blah.

Took me 3 minutes talking to myself to realise that I'd pulled my own phone line out. I bet he was pissing himself.
(Fri 31st Jul 2009, 21:36, More)
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