b3ta.com user james_tiger_woods
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**Update - I have a Blog!**

I'm noone special - I'm a little mad in fact. Not mad as in clinically mad of course.

My name is, as you may have guessed, James - and I was told I look like Tiger Woods - I'd rather have his money. Or a Monet - I'm not fussy....


I have an odd sense of humour - I refer you to the monet quip.

And I clearly talk too much. I apologise.

Now be on your way!

Addition - I'm going to create a list of people that I'm "supposed" to look like.

1. Tiger Woods
2. Lewis Hamilton
3. Andy Peters (WTF?)
4. Les Ferdinand - more of a threat as I recall...
5. Er, I'll add more. Honest!

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Hypocrisy

Another driving one
Ok, I'm actually ashamed of this one as I nearly killed myself and 2 other people doing this.

Hypocrisy? Well, you'll see. The short version is this:

I was driving home and came to a village (name witheld) which had a 40mph limit. Unfortunately, I was doing about 70 at the 40 limit sign. The roundabout was just after the sign and there was no way I was going to stop. Ever.

So I didn't and flew across the mini (ish) roundabout at about 65.

Right across the front of the car to my right which I damned nearly hit.

My reason for not stopping? I was on the phone.

Who to?

The guy who I nearly hit.... We were just telling each other we really shouldn't be on the phone while driving - shortly before a scream from him and his OH as "some crazy bastard has just driven over the roundabout at breakneck speed nearly killing us all.... Hang on JTW - was that you???"

This was about 6 years ago - he still reminds me and everyone else of this ....

The moral - don't talk and drive :)
(Mon 23rd Feb 2009, 17:12, More)

» Well, that taught 'em

Definetly Darwinian
I've just recalled this one....

A bit after the hammer/nail/thumb incident, I decided to do some more DIY - I've had my "accident" so now I'm safe....

Or so I thought.

I needed to remove some cable tacks that were holding the phone wire back - No big deal - They had to come off, the wall painted and new ones put it. It's not rocket science dammit.

Anyway, I proceeded to remove them.

Now, directly below one of them (about halfway up the wall) is a socket.

You might see where this is going....

I touched the one above the socket - the metal bit.

"Bastard, that hurt"

That's right, some moron (not me) had put it through the live wire - how it hadn't shorted out the house, I don't know.

"Well, that's just daft." Thought I - "There's a lesson here"

"I'd better turn off the electricity and carefully remove the cable tack" - Is what I SHOULD have thought/done.

What I did think was "Did that really happen? I'd better touch it again"

"OUCH!" (Followed by much swearing).

That really bastard hurt. I know, I'll touch it again.

"F***, etc"

Yes, that's right I touched it twice, then held on a bit the third time just to check for actual pain. Of which there was a lot.

I was going to get off the ladder, but I realised that I was actually now lying on the ground - "Now, how did I get down here?".....

I turned the mains off at this point and was a LOT more careful the 4th time.


The lesson is - I'm shouldn't be allowed out of that padded room....
(Tue 1st May 2007, 19:19, More)

» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

Well, not THE nicest thing, but...
Those of you that know me, know that my Dad died while I was still but a lad - so this is a pretty simple one.

The nicest thing that I remember, specifically about him, is seeing him when he used to pick me up from boarding school and him coming over and giving me a big cuddle and huge kiss - I was never embarrassed by that in public. He was my Dad, he loved me, I loved him and I didn't care.

The thing that I miss the most about him is knowing that I'll never have that ever again - knowing that the nicest thing he did for me was the simplest, most basic act of love you show your child.

I'm going to disappear into the loo for a little cry now
(Fri 3rd Oct 2008, 15:53, More)

» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

B3ta - Serious post, I'm afraid
Last year/18 months/2 years ago, I went through a horrendously rubbish time. I was depressed, all over the place, drinking too much and angry. I was working too much and my relationship was in a pretty ugly place.

I vented here on b3ta, not really wanting to find solace, but as an outlet for being narky and generally a bit, dare I say it, Emo, but for a reason. I was low and on more than one occasion, as much as I hate to admit it, suicidal.

I don't know how many of you read my posts and status messages and thought, "well, he's a cock" or "he's clearly deranged" and ignored me - which wouldn't surprise me.

However, a few people did read my messaged and did mail me - they contacted me and asked me if I was ok, checking up on me, talking to me, making sure that I was ok, counselling me too. I spent time talking to these few (one in particular) who guided me through my pain, sanity and relationship(s).

They saw me through what was the lowest point of my life, helped me get back to the person I was long before all this happened. They guided my thoughts and helped me see things properly - even with the aid of professional counsellor.

You know who you are, I can't remember all of you by individual b3ta name, but your place is in my heart. But in particular, PJM, I thank you for helping me and being a good friend.

I can't think of a nicer thing that's been done for me.
(Fri 3rd Oct 2008, 14:38, More)

» Putting the Fun in Funeral

Sad, definitely not funny.
Nothing funny. My Dad died when I was 15 when I was away at boarding school - I'd seen him 3 days previously when he took me back to school.

Just didn't want to believe it - occasionally still don't.

The funeral was a catholic one, very long and very dull and full of the usual catholic rhetoric - I lost my religion that day and I'm quite happy without it thank you. My aunt also fainted at the cremation.

I don't remember crying much at the funeral or wake - just abject disbelief.

The nicest part was all the people coming up to me saying how good a man he was - this was over 15 years ago and my Dad clearly knew a lot of people who liked him as people I don't know still tell me that he was a good man.

The worse part is that I can't really remember him and I wish I could remember him clearly. But I don't.

(Thu 11th May 2006, 12:13, More)
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