» Airport Stories

Istanbul Airport
a couple of summers ago I was returning home from Turkey via Istanbul Airport, I got through the metal detector and was waiting for my hand luggage which they decided to look through, the guard was confused with the site of my Lynx deoderant can which has a funny nozzle, rather than asking me to spray it to check it's not an WMD he tried to work it out himself leading him to spray Lynx into his eyes! classic, he then found my camera and asked me to take a photo to again prove I'm not a terrorist so I've now got a lovely photo of a Turkish security bloke rubbing his eyes!

how he didn't get angry with all this I don't know!

size, I'm suprised he didn't check there!
(Tue 7th Mar 2006, 11:27, More)

» Awesome Sickies

Symptoms
A mate in my old job once phoned in to say he wouldn't be coming in that day as he has symptoms. didn't feel the nead to explain which ones and never got asked!

legend
(Fri 9th Jun 2006, 12:42, More)

» Cringe!

cnuted - the first time my ex-wife met my parents
my ex is Turkish and hadn't been in England for long enough to pick up on the majority of slang me and my friends used, one such example is 'cunted' meaning, of course, very drunk.

we used it liberally but I never thought to explain the rudeness if the c word.

so there we were outside a nice pub in London and my parents started to try to embarass me telling the story of the first time I got drunk when the missus pointed out that I was cunted the night before.

my dad almost wet himself but my mother still hasn't got over it!

myself.....god it was painful!

when we got home, I made a list of every politically incorrect/racist/rude word then asked her to memorise them then never speak them!
(Tue 2nd Dec 2008, 10:35, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Red Bull flying thing in Hyde Park
a few summers ago I went to this Red Bull thingy, it must have been the hottest day of the year and being stuck in the middle of Hyde Park smashed on Mushrooms I started to think I was going to die from dehydration.

after half an hour begging my friends to go to a pub we started walking through the huge crowd only for me to halicinate Sting (the pop star) jumping out from behind a tree and trapping us in Hyde Park whilst he sung all his songs, by the time I got to the pub I was a jibbering wreck.

I hate you sting.
(Wed 21st Dec 2005, 9:57, More)

» Birthdays

it was my birthdaty last sunday, it was ok so....
My bestest was my 25th, night in the pub with all my mates, everyone taking it in turns buying me Champagne! some buying me Moet, some Cava! I met me wife that night although I didn't get her name until the morning after at breakfast!

My worst birthday ever story started 6 days before my 7th Birthday, that day was a friends birthday party and I fell off the climbing frame and landed on my wrist. I was a very brave boy and I didn't cry so my parents didn't think it was that serious so just did a half arsed bandage job. 6 days later on the morning of my birthday one of the bones in my wrist ripped through my skin so we went to hospital for the first time and I spent my whole birthday waiting to have surgery, having surgery and recovering from the shock of having surgery.
(Fri 9th Dec 2005, 13:10, More)