» Shame

Another beached tale
I bought a bus conductor's ticket machine, complete with ticket rolls, money bag and strap, for ten pounds from a collectors' mart one Saturday in July. The following weekend I took it down to the beach and walked for about two miles, charging everyone sitting in deck chairs fifty pee and issuing tickets. No-one noticed the tickets were all marked 'Nottingham City Transport' (this was two hundred miles further south, in Sussex), and no-one complained. Having made close to two hundred quid I retired to a safe distance to watch the real deck chair money collector try to do his job. He ended up surrounded by dozens of irate oldies all waving Nottingham bus tickets at him. Shame on me but boy was it funny at the time.
(Wed 30th Nov 2005, 13:31, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Scouse wit

A road sign in Liverpool read 'Mersey Docks and Harbour Board'. Someone had added underneath '...and little lambs eat ivy'.

(If you know the song, you'll get it!!)
(Tue 8th May 2007, 7:49, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Ahem
What's 30ft long and smells of piss and cabbage?
A conga line in an old people's home.
(Thu 8th Dec 2005, 15:39, More)

» Birthdays

Cuh!
Worst? My 21st. What a good idea to take the gf on a trip round SE England in my newly-bought second hand mini. Stopped for lunch at a pub outside Winchester, emerged an hour later to find the car had been burgled and my camera stolen. Homeward bound, the car started lurching, engine cutting out, only just managed to limp home. Spent the evening with gf's father under the bonnet trying to fix unfixable fault. Still, at least I awoke the following morning sober (choke!)

Best? The last one - they just keep getting spiffier!!
(Mon 12th Dec 2005, 15:30, More)