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fuck off

Recent front page messages:

Jeremy Clarkson's replacement

Edit - my first FP! Woot! Thanks everybody!
(Thu 26th Mar 2015, 12:43, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Cheating cheaty cheats

Spot the difference
My mum wanted to enter a spot the difference compo to win tips on knitting (or some such) so I scanned the two images in and using layers in PSP faded them in and out making the differences immediately apparent. I destroyed what could have provided minutes of fun in the urge to be the best.
(Tue 22nd Nov 2005, 23:57, More)

» Other people's diaries

When I setup people's profiles on PCs at work, I read their email. It turns me on*

*May or may not be true.
(Thu 1st Feb 2007, 18:37, More)

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

why did the cow cross the road?
to get to the udder side
(Wed 9th May 2018, 16:25, More)

» Local Criminals

this kid on our estate in london used to throw batteries at us, he probably grew up to be no better than he should have been
also a woman who was always drunk and wore an obvious wig used to shout at us as kids, not really a crime though. lastly a sri lankan dude threatened to throw my friend off the balcony, he was famous in wessex gardens estate
(Wed 28th Sep 2016, 14:38, More)

» Shame

Oh dear don't even know why I'm posting this, I'm going to need conselling again.

During my more tender years, I went to a party and arrived fashionably early (midday) so I could watch the FA Cup build up, I was there with my sister (shame scale 8 of a possible 10), her friend and the hostess (her parents were away). I got very drunk very quickly and by 10pm I was asleep in the hostess's bed. She got in a little later, woke me up and we shagged 4 times, so all in all it had gone alright. The next day I heard about the fallout from the previous night. The hostess caught me micturating up the radiator in her parents room and vomiting on the wicker chair in the same room, this was prior to the shagging. Oh dear.

Just thought of another one, a little earlier in my life I was an office junior in an account department and it was year end so we had the auditors round. We set them up in a little office and they needed an "uplighter" (like a normal light but points light up, hence the name, skip to the end!). I entered carrying said item, it was dead quiet as they were auditing away, I bent over to plug it in and farted. I then tried to replicate the sound by rubbing my shoe on the base of the uplighter to make it sound like it was that in the first place. Of course rubber on metal can never and will never sound like cutting one, oh the shame.
(Fri 25th Nov 2005, 8:00, More)
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