b3ta.com user lozzzz
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I think b3ta's great!

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» School fights

My fight in the bogs - lasted 2 seconds
Just remembered.

Secondary school about 1966 - I was 11 or 12.

Went to bog (you only went there if you *really* needed to).

School bully came up behind me and put his arm round my neck.

I thought - Oooh! I read in my comic (Look and Learn or similar) how to deal with this.

So I ducked and thrust bum up (no jokes please!)

Bully went over my head. Baaaad landing!

I walked away.

He said "Where'd you learn that?"

I said, "Don't mess with me!"

Next 5 years - no problems.

Mind you now I wish I'd also kicked him in the balls while he was down ...
(Mon 13th Mar 2006, 22:05, More)

» Mistaken Identity

Not me, my sister-in-law

True story.

Back in the early 70s my sister in law was a professional tennis player (England No.2 at one brief point).

She was in a lift in a hotel in New York when someone said to her, "Hey Billie-Jean [King] can I have your autograph?" ... well she did look a bit like her.

My sister in law, with a smile on her face, duly obliged, and the autograph hunter left the lift.

Who was she travelling in the lift with? - yep - Billie-Jean King!

Cue laughter.
(Tue 5th Jun 2007, 13:19, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

Pearl the Peril

Many years ago my mum started work in a new office. A woman came up to her and introduced herself, in a broad Scottish accent, as, "Hello, I'm Peril."

My mum called her Peril for 7 or 8 years until it became Peril's turn to leave. Upon signing her goodbye card my mum noticed it said, "Good luck in your new job, *Pearl*."

Not too bright sometimes, my mum!
(Fri 19th May 2006, 18:52, More)

» Dentists

Why is it that ...
... whenever you change dentists they; tap your teeth ... speak to their assistant in code ... take an x-ray and then tell you that


Piecework? Surely not?
(Thu 9th Nov 2006, 21:49, More)

» Apparently I'm a sex offender

My Dad nearly got arrested for photographing a load of kids
My dad (in his 70s)decided that he would do a nostalgia thing and visit the places where he used to live, see how things had changed, take a few photos, etc.

So there he is taking a photo (at break time) of the primary school my sister used to attend.

Tap on shoulder ... 'Excuse me sir' .. etc.
(Sun 20th Aug 2006, 17:48, More)
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