» Teenage Parties

Big house unattended and a load of 14 year olds left in charge.
Suffice to say that in one night
- A girl got stabbed in the arse with a fork.
- Someone stood in the middle of the living room chewing crisps, spitting them on the shagpile and stamping them in.
- Someone smoked weed from his dads antique pipe collection
- the living room window was smashed
- the garage roof was ripped up
- someone called a pornline and left the phone off the hook for 3 hours
- 3 lads tried to take owners car to the off licence. They were rolling backwards down the drive with the car in 4th revving the tits off the engine with the clutch in. they then released the clutch and watched as engine parts were distributed round the garden.
- the locked study door was crowbarred open giving access to cabinets full of expensive drink
- a nintendo (gives you an idea of the era) was stolen along with all of the games

As inebriated as I was I made the chioce to spend 5 hours walking home then face the morning after and then denied I was there in the first place.

My mate is still grounded today.
(Thu 13th Apr 2006, 17:55, More)

» Fancy Dress

I was recently invited by a friends in Leeds
to go to a Halloween night out. This was great but I turned up not knowing this and I had fuck all in the way of cash to buy/rent a costume. Cue me spending £1.99 on 2 tubes of childrens face paint(black and white obviously) and mocking myself up as a skeleton...

I looked more like a fucking deranged heavy metal panda. I mean whos ever seen a 20 stone skeleton.
(Fri 13th Jan 2006, 18:31, More)

» Intense Friendships

I was in the boy scouts
So I had loads of friends who were "In Tents"

I havent had any intense friends but I did work for Games workshop about 10 years ago and now I run into all of the old Gamers/customer (who were about 15 at the time) when im clubbing and they think I still like them and am willing to talk to them. I only talked to them in the first place as it was my job. Some of the customers used to follow me around town when I finished work and would chat to me as if i was their best mate. I'm glad I got a proper job and stopped having to speak to them in a civil manner.

"INSERT PENIS LENGTH GAG HERE"
(Tue 1st Aug 2006, 13:46, More)

» Apparently I'm a sex offender

S Club Seven?
A few years ago me and a mate journeyed all the way to the big smoke of London to see a Slipknot gig. I had booked the hotel right next to the arena and so felt quite smug in my amazing trip planning skills... until I learned of the fact that there is Wembley Arena(where the hotel was) and the London Arena (tother side of London completely). "Not a problem" we think as it will give us a chance to fuck about on the tube for a couple of hours on the way there.

So we leave our hotel at about 5 to get to the gig around 7:30ish (not knowing how long exactly it will take to traverse the city). As we are leaving the hotel the S club Seven Matinee show is finishing and about 50,000 kids and parents are leaving Wembley arena. We could see that we were on a collision course with them so decided to have a bit of fun.

Cue me and my mate dressed in Leather, studs, collars, bondage pants and mesh trying to carry off conversations about S club without breaking into fits of laughter. We got some very stern and worrying looks off the parents. especially the ones that were on the tube with us all the way from Wembley to the Docklands.
Its possibly worth mentioning that Im about 6'3"(in my boots) and look a bit like The Kurgen from Highlander.
(Mon 21st Aug 2006, 14:02, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

Dyslexic Demons
Me and some mates were messing about with home made Ouija board (a deck of modified playing cards and a glass) and the guy who was pushing the glass spelled out "loyd fone" A moment later the "phone" rang and "Lloyd" was calling. We would have been more convinced by the horror had the lad moving the glass actually been able to spell. I figured even denizens of the spirit world check their facts!
(Mon 24th Apr 2006, 13:22, More)