b3ta.com user monkeyboy13
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I Live and work in Basingstoke, the muppet haven of the South. Populated by Volvo driving, conservative voting, Ben Sherman wearing, 10 pint of stella drinking, You call my pint a poof?, Crappy chav pub drinking, Phallic sculpture loving, roundabout navigating, council estate living tossers.

Is hate to strong a word?

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» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

I made the local news headlines......
First year of university in 1990 and I'm living in a flat with five other like minded junkies. Topping up the grant (yes I was one of the lucky ones) by selling anything I could get my hands on and taking far more interest in mind expanding drugs than mind expanding study.

One summer evening after an all day mushroom and lager session in the local park, we all come home in time to watch Gladiators on the TV (Ulrika Johnson Hmmmmmmmmmmm) Much boozing and smoking later and we were all out on the balcony reinacting the pugal stick fighting contest.

My flat mate and I decided it would be a great idea to jump up on the balcony rail for a fight with a couple of super mops. great until someone wins the fight!

I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of pretty much every hole. I'd fallen 68ft to the concrete below and managed to break my wrist, ankle, color bone, three ribs, nose, fracture my skull, puncture my lung and burn my hand (apparently the paramedics had to prize a burning joint from my hand at the scene).

I was subsequently featured in all the local newspapers and tv news as miracle student! My mates told the paramedics that I had slipped on the smooth floor while leaning over the balcony to wave to some friends. (heroic improvisation under the circumstances)

Media pressure grew and I was press ganged by the student union and local newspaper (The Post) into seeking compensation from the university due to their unsafe balcony design.

the university eventually settled out of court for a megre £2000 even though I didn't write them a single letter of complaint or even threaten legal action. I felt a little guilty banking that cheque but all in all a good result in the end!

my parents still have know idea this ever happened. they still refer to that time I didn't call them for 5 weeks in my first year.
(Tue 20th Dec 2005, 13:53, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Maniac Axe Murderer!
On reflection I guess my mother was right when she told me not to hang around with the wrong crowd.

It would probably be fair to say that each and every one of my friends has been involved in some kind of illegal activity over the last 10 years, however these are the usual non violent, drug related crimes (dealing, possession, smuggling, selling pescription medicine, organising illegal raves etc.)

One evening a good friend and I went to score from one of the more dubious local dealers. Typical council estate flat with no carpets filty floors, huge TV (not transvestite), 3 dogs, 10 cats and a filty baby crawling around.

We had to wait for a while for said dealer to go and dig up his coke from the park accross the road so sat having a beer and a smoke with his cousin. Nice chap who proceded to roll us all joints and share his speed with us too. After about half an hour Mr Dealer came home with his stash and the business was done. His cousin convinced us to stay for another beer and amused us with stories of drunken antics etc. We finally left at about midnight very drunk, very stoned and off our tits on charlie!

Nice story....where's the catch.

Fast forward to the following morning and my friend and I are watching TV. Local news item. Crazed axeman kills three in cold blood. Police are searching for a sadistic killer who tied up three people and killed them using an axe and a chissle (ouch!) When the photo of the suspect came up on the screen I almost had a fit. Yup it was our dealers cousin. He had murdered the victims and then dropped in on his cousin to calm down. Apparently they had pissed him off!

(Thu 22nd Dec 2005, 11:44, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Bad Taste Joke.
This one is from Jimmy Carr's live tour.

Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding a maggot?.......

Being raped!

A little harsh maybe?
(Tue 20th Dec 2005, 9:24, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

I don't believe you!
OK, either I am the unluckiest drug buyer in the world or most of you are talking absolute bollocks.

"the first time I took drugs I dropped five microdots!" I'm sure you did, You probably snorted coke from madonna'a arse crack too!"

Five dots.........ha ha ha. Taxi to the funny farm please!

First time I did halucinigens (or however you spell it) I dropped one blotter and ran around like a loonie for about 8 hours. Seriously mind battering stuff with space/time doing strange things and all that.

Halucinations from weed.........Never and I must have smoked about tonne over the last 15 years!

Come on people. live in the real world. No one believes your "I took 50 microdots and then chased the green pixies into neverland" stories!

Drugs are good. but not that good!
(Fri 23rd Dec 2005, 9:51, More)