» Bastard Colleagues

my local council employee. the parking officer.
i am a contractor. an electrician to be precise. i am used to foul mouth, plain speaking, no-bollocks builders who know what they want.

i like this. a lot. its a no-hassle way of communication.

i've just been posted for a few weeks to do some work at the local council offices. i am fucking surrounded buy petty squabbles, bitchy remarks, office politics, and mug theft.

FUCKING WOE BETIDE YE WHOM DRINK FROM A MUG NOT DESTINED TO BE YOUR OWN.

are all offices like this? TO THE POINT---------

THIS TWAT- we'll call tony. i had to turn the entire ground floor off earlier to do a quick test. everyone huffed, all 70 staff, but continued to shut down there computers nevertheless. all but tony. his computor was important, in his own words, "sod your issues, lets all deal with the important issue shall we (pointing to HIMSELF)" he also proclaimed he'd been there 10 years who am i to tell him to switch his machine off, and its "ridiculous, proposturous, and i'm a fool."

well i got the last laugh, his pc's U.P.S. didnt kick in when i did the shutdown, and the whole days car parking fines from the town centre records were lost forever. ha. fucking prick.

i'm pissed off with using/hearing fucking keywords like "team" "target" "liase" "meeting". it just makes me thankful i dont work in an office. god bless any of you that do.

3 more weeks of this cunt i have to deal with. geuss that makes him a co worker then.........
(Fri 25th Jan 2008, 2:13, More)

» Public Transport Trauma

the incosiderance of tube users
i was on the northern line going from waterloo to leicester square in one summer evening, for beers, when i pregnant lady got on at enbankment, at the other end of the packed carriage. i noticed her, so did everyone else.

but no cunt offered her a seat. and i was at the other end of the carraige. what could i do?

then i did something. god knows how i didnt get stabbed. i hollered really loudly, "excuse me love!! HELLO! YEA YOU, PREGNANT LADY, YOU CAN HAVE MY SEAT IF YOU WANT!!" she smiled as no other wanker had offered. but no one would move and let her through to sit down.

i lost it. i got up and literally barged through the carraige and took her hand, smiled and said, "come with me love" so she smiled and followed me. i sat her down, and loudly complained about the "FUCKING SELFISH CUNTS WHO CANT EVEN OFFER A LADY THEIR SEAT." she whole heartedly agreed and was secretly laughing at my sheer guts at insulting the whole carraige. we spoke for few minutes too, and she was a lovely lady.

she thanked me and i was on my way. made me feel great.

please offer the elderley, pregnant, retarded etc your seat. i know you paid for it but come on, its common courtesy. is it just me or does anyone else agree with this?
(Sat 31st May 2008, 16:58, More)

» Awesome Sickies

become epilleptic
i got diagnosed as epilleptic. bad news you say? naa. had a fit at work and got suspended on health grounds for 3 MONTHS on FULL PAY.. beat that bitches!!! he he...... i hate my job and the boss is a cunt.....

and they cant sack me, its discrimination, so i can quite happily play that card and say i'm being victimised whenever he has a go for me slacking or anything. you'd do the same.
(Mon 12th Jun 2006, 20:18, More)

» Mad Stuff You've Done To Get Someone To Sleep With You

lies. filthy stinking lies.
my lies. all of them!!

the following lies have all been on nights out in bars/clubs, therefore have all been pretty beleivable)

they include, "i cant stay out too late tonight, gotta dress up as santas elf tomorow and give the kids at the hospice their christmas presents. it costs us a fortune, but the smiles on their little faces, its worth it" (awwww, your so sweet, bouncybouncy)

i'm a survelianece operative for police/spy chain/fbi/mi6 whatever, thats all i can tell you about my job really. (garunteed shag)

i dont do one-night stands, i always end up getting hurt (this ones a right winner, as they will show you ON THE NIGHT that they wont use you,they hang around for more in the morning for fear of hurting you)

i run my own business

i love poetry, if i read it for half an hour a day i feel it makes me more relaxed

i know a lot about wine (difficult trying to act cultured when your clearly not)

and, i'm single. my biggest lie.

i'm going straight to hell....................
(Sat 14th Apr 2007, 12:23, More)

» Sacked

sacked again
i also worked for anglian, (i used to ring you all and try to sell you windows and doors, at a low low price, no obligation to buy of course) after 3 weeks there i was promoted to asst. manager. our new manager, an asian bloke, hired a load of stoned pakistani teenagers, who used words like- "innit bruv" and "mashin it up" in there sales pitches. they were wankers who didnt respect me. i was soon the only white bloke and was having the piss ripped out of me regular as clockwork. all this changed when the phone rang, me, feet on desk, coffee in hand, (area manager behind me) i awnswered, "good afternoon asian windows".... p45 in the post!! glad to get out of that hole anyway.
(Mon 27th Feb 2006, 20:52, More)