» IT Support

I have hundreds of these....
.... but my favourite is the one that happens at least every week.

Me: "Hello IT"
Them: "Hi, I've got a problem"
Me: "OK, how can I help?"
Them: "I keep getting an error message"
Me: "Do you know what it says?"
Them: "No"
Me: "When does it come up?"
Them: "I can't remember"
Me: "Which program are you using?"
Them: "I don't know"
Me: "Well.... what were you trying to do at the time?"
Them: "I'm not sure"
Me: "Are you by the machine at the moment?"
Them: "No"
Me: "Is there a phone by the machine?"
Them: "No"
Me: "Can I call you back on a mobile?"
Them: "There's no reception"
Me: "Can you go and write down the error then call me back?"
Them: **Huge Sigh** "I THOUGHT you were supposed to HELP?!"
Me: "Without any information there's not a lot for me to go on"
Them: **Bigger sigh** "Can I just leave it with you?"
Me: **Smiles** "Sure.... I'll get right on that"

Types in - "No fault reported"
(Fri 25th Sep 2009, 22:11, More)

» IT Support

Quick and dirty...
....

Me: "OK now I'm going to read out the password so have you got a pen and paper ready?"
Them: "Yes"
Me: "Right. Uppercase Pappa November Tango Oscar...."
Them: "Uppercase Pappa November Tango Oscar..."
Me: "Lowercase Siera Whisky..."
Them: "Lowercase Siera Whisky..."
Me: "Seven."
Them: "Is that an uppercase 7?"
Me: "......" **Head in Hands**


Sometimes I say "no lowercase" just to see if they catch on.
(Fri 25th Sep 2009, 22:42, More)

» IT Support

And another one that no-one will believe....
.... but it is true.

So it's a day like any other, a server had died and was being fixed (yes turned off and booted back up). But on this occasion it was a mail server so lots of people were contacting us about it.

An email was sent out detailing that it was being looked into and we hoped to have it back in the next 15 mins.

10 minutes later it's back up and running so my colleague writes out the email detailing this.

NOTE: We had a standard format for these emails and *luckily* had a rule about always getting someone else to read the email before sending it out.

So I get called over to glance over the thing before sending, I peruse the document for a few seconds and was about to say 'yeah fine, send it' when I spotted the greatest line ever.

My colleague was dyslectic (I'm sure that word is intentially hard to spell) and had put the following (thereabouts, confidential crap removed).

------------------------------
FAO Mailserver1 Users

Please be aware that the problems reported with Mailserver1 have been resolved.

The server is now back online and can be accessed as normal.

Any emails received during the downtime will be delivered over the next hour.

We apologise for any incontinence this outage may have caused.

Kind Regards,

IT


Yes that's right, he'd tried to type 'inconvenience' then right clicked on the spelling error and chosen the first option in the list.

I still think of some poor manager pissing himself because the email is down everytime an email server stops working.....
(Fri 25th Sep 2009, 22:33, More)

» Best Films Ever

Best British Comedy
Someone must have mentioned this already, but...

The Man who knew too little.

This remains the best comedy (never mind comedy filmed in UK) that I have ever seen.

Yet no-one has ever heard of it. It's like a secret movie that remains hidden from the general public for fear that they will enjoy themselves too much.

Anyway a brief but about it - Bill Murray plays the lead, a layabout nobody that comes to visit his brother for his birthday. Unfortunately his brother has an important meeting, so convinces Bill to experience a new type of show, one where you are part of the action and the whole performance takes place around London with you dragged along for the ride. A mix-up occurs and he's left in the shoes of a secret agent type going through the standard clichés believing everything around him is fake.

Rarely does a comedy work perfectly. So perfectly that when you watch it again you see every dot, every fact, line up to be so in synch with the plot that it just seems like excellence personified (or rather filmified). This one does. The smallest details all fit.

I only have one criticism of the entire thing. That it didn't finish when the credits start, as the very last two lines said and acting (during the credits) just make it go silly.

Still not running to the rental place?

OK.... it has a police car chase, with Murray in a mini, knocking over all the traffic cones as he goes past.
(Fri 18th Jul 2008, 20:32, More)

» Evidence that you're getting old

These kids with their playboys and gamestations.......
When you mention an old game to a kid, and how you'd wait 10-15 mins for your commodore 64 to load it up (and even then it might fail). They just look at you in disgust.

And how they look all frustrated and confused when you play some platform scroller and beat them at it. Seeming to not understand the games been exactly the same for the last 20 odd years regardless of console....

And the ultimate. 'l337'. They call themselves l337 or elite, then you mention your Cobra Mark III and the don't even recognise the reference....
(Tue 2nd Nov 2004, 16:35, More)