» Shoplifting

IKEA/Debenhams/Local Newsagents
In the last few years: Married, kids house etc. IKEA do these strip of LED lights 4 for £20 - which is a hell of a lot. So I got the idea (after finding several empty or nearly empty boxes) to grab a whole load of boxes and then in a quite area (IKEA has a massive shop floor as you will know) transfer all the LED strips from several boxes into one and the connector thingies into another. Got about forty strips but have only paid for about four boxes! But I have spent £1000+ in there over the last 5 or 6 years so maybe that's ok?

Also once, when I was younger I went to Debenhams with my friends and one of my friends mum. My mate tries on a pair of sunglasses that he likes but can't afford to buy them. I decided to walk around Debenhams whilst surreptitiously chewing the security tag (attached by thick plastic) and once the tag coming off, casually putting the sunglasses on and walking out of them. So I take all this risk and then give the glasses to my mate!

Finally...
Back in the 90's we had this local newsagents who had some arcade machines. Come closing time we had to get out. One evening I'm still on there (I was good at Final Fight or whatever it was) and he decides to walk out, lock the door and pull the shutter down to "scare" us! Cue me and two others grabbing the change he kept on top of his till for the arcade machines/ ciggs and porn mags. He was asking for it really (and he was a bit of a James Blunt TBH)
(Sun 13th Jan 2008, 3:23, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Sick Joke
A man rings up his manager and says
"I can't come in today because I'm sick."
His manager asks
"We've got a lot of work on today, how sick are you?"
The man replies
"Well, I'm fucking my daughter..."
(Sun 12th Feb 2006, 1:44, More)