b3ta.com user Maximinimus
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Profile for Maximinimus:
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Maximinimus stole a monkey and got punched in the nuts, is tall but not amazingly tall, has freakishly large feet, we're talking more in proportion with a clown than a human (everyone knows they are different species).

He is one of the most boring people you are likely to meet, working by day as a software engineer but enjoying paintball, airsoft, cycling and motorsports in his free time.

It is also said that he posesses the ability to rip aircraft from the sky with his mind and consume entire cities, from looking at him I would say the latter may be true. But it's totally cool, he's lost shitloads of weight recently, probably more than you weigh.

oh, you look nervous, is it the scars?
But I do still own a rabbit hat!

I also play rugby for Newark Ilkeston
Intimidating much?

From the super J Peasemould Gruntfuttock:

I participated in the tin foil hat event:

Most Sinister Award

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NerdTests.com says I'm a Mega-Dorky Nerd God.  Click here to take the Nerd Test, get nerdy images and jokes, and talk to others on the nerd forum!

Recent front page messages:

Would he still make #3 in "The Top 10 Villains of All-Time"?

(Mon 21st Jul 2008, 15:05, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Expensive Weekends

A few years ago it looked to be a very expensive weekend in the making
I had just handed over £22k and picked up my brand new Honda Accord. On my way out of the forecourt some prick thought it would be funny to spit on my bonnet. This sent me into a rage so I got out of the car and confronted him, seeing my 8'8" height and build of atlas he decided he'd best make tracks but I gave chase and It took only moments to catch him before I delivered an almighty smackdown. Lady luck must have been smiling on me because this fellow just happened to be a drug dealer and must have just cleared out a good stash because he was clutching a satchel containing the best part of £30k. A supermodel had witnessed this heroic act and was already waiting for me in the Accord, legs akimbo on the back seat.
(Fri 14th May 2010, 16:36, More)

» The thing I've been most ashamed of doing with a penis

One I heard working at Tesco while at college
Lou: Did you hear about Craig the checkout manager?
Maxi: No?
Lou: Hes been going to the doctor because his penis was bright orange.
Maxi: Bright orange?
Lou: Yep, bright orange. He went back for some test results yesterday.
Maxi: Was it anything serious?
Lou: Well, no. They couldn't find anything medically wrong with him. The doctor asked him about his "habits" and it turns out that he has been eating wotsits while watching porn every evening...
Maxi: *Almost falls over with laughter*
(Mon 16th Mar 2009, 12:13, More)

» Food sabotage

I haven't but my brother has
When he was younger, I would say around 13 there was a little twunt that lived across the road, he would tease my brother, beat him up and steal any sweets he was carrying. This didn't last very long mind you as my brother got a crafty idea.

Back then you could buy big bars of laxative chocolate having very distinct packaging. He bought one of these, along with a 200g bar of dairy milk. He carefully opened both bars (one being chocolate deliciousness, the other chocolate-like ring destroying awfulness) and swapped the packaging before sealing them up again.

Needless to say the twunt across the road saw my brother later that day, roughed him up a bit and stole the dairy milk, leaving behind the laxative wrapped bar.

After a trip to the hospital the twunt’s parents were banging on our door, screaming and shouting about how my brother had tried to kill their darling son by giving him laxative chocolate. It turns out he ate the whole bar before his mother got home and chastised him for ruining his dinner, 3 hours and many ruined pairs of underwear later he owned up to eating a bar of laxative chocolate, saying that my brother gave it to him.
(Mon 22nd Sep 2008, 15:43, More)

» Abusing freebies

Several Years ago...
... when Virgin owned their own cinemas and I was young.
It was the start of the summer holidays, I was bored and thought I would see a film, I made my way over to the Brighton multiplex. When I arrived there were posters advertising a "Student summer pass". The mentioned product gave unlimited access to the cinema for either 15,30 or 45 days depending on price (around £20,£30,£40).

Cue me thinking this would be great and watching between 5 and 7 films a day for the first 3 days, on the fourth day the cinema manager refused to let me use the ticket.

I wasn't happy and made a complaint to the head office, a full refund and a two 45 day tickets with seat upgrades and complimentary popcorn and a soft drink for each film as compensation.

Needless to say me and a friend spent the whole summer watching 3-5 films a day. I kept my tickets as a reminder for a while, Me and my friend had approximately 150 ticket stubs each by the time our passes expired.

Without the ticket prices that's a hell of a lot of popcorn and medium cola that the cinema had to fork out for...
(Wed 14th Nov 2007, 16:03, More)

» I don't understand the attraction

Pretty much all physical intimacy
Reality TV
James Corden
(Thu 15th Oct 2009, 15:08, More)
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