b3ta.com user wino.NZ
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» First rude thing I ever saw

Voyeur alert!
I was 10 or 11 and was walking home from a mate's place one evening after school. It was already dark as I made my way up the winding walkway not far from his place. There were houses on both sides of the walkway and a fair amount of shrubbery etc.
Coming (fnarr) to the top of the hill I looked up to the house in front of me and saw two lit rooms lit up with curtains open. A babelicious teen came into one of the rooms, peeled her top off to reveal an outstanding set of boobs while at the same time in the other room, a lucky bugger came in smiling and turned the light off. The girl then also killed the light and any further voyeuristic opportunities for moi.
The remainder of the journey home was in quite a state of pleasant tension.
First live set of norks; great memory and god I have wished many times over the years those two could have shagged with the lights on!
Outcome: visual and aural voyeurism are big favs of mine.

This episode beats all the times my mate and I would clamber around the cliff above one of Auckland's nudist beaches (Ladies Bay) in the summer checking out the few women game enough to bare all. 70's bushes were easy to spot from a distance!
(Sun 14th Aug 2011, 1:48, More)

» Beautiful but Bonkers

Let's live together
Well we had for a few years until she decided to do "The Big OE" (i.e. leave NZ for the UK). so that's fine, yep ok - see you over there some time. You need to find yourself etc, Auckland is too small...drugs are not freely available....you can't make as much of an arse of yourself here as you can when surrounded by other Kiwis / Ockers in some crap London bar.

So I travel to London 2 days before my 30th. Meet up and stay at hers. Meet with other NZ friends..good times...late nights etc etc. Nothing definite from her but that's cool - we'd both been shagging others.

SHE then comes back at Xmas (6 months later). by this time I am pretty serious with what would become Mrs Wino. She comes over to my place (still by myself at this stage) and we go to some local bars / restaurants. Drinks/nice food....blah blah lots of light talk. Eventually I tell her about the other one (future Mrs) and how I am not interested in going back to her hotel etc...that's ok, nice goodbyes etc later on. No dramas there and here's me thinking all's well that ends...

The funny stuff started a few months later. First mail started arrving addressed to either her or both of us....Hmmmm...by this stage Mrs Wino was living at mine and getting a little hot under the collar. More mail arrvied - junk stuff mainly until i received the pohone bill...

Hmmmm "Mr & Mrs [insert jealous ex's surname here]" ....looks funny. I ring the telco - ah yes, that's corretc sir, you are listed as that. I check the recently arrived new phone book: fuck that! She has listed the both of us as a married couple at my address WITH HER SURNAME! oh dear....From memory I emailed her and asked here wtf she thought she was upto...bleating and tears ensued (from her you dolt).

Sounds all fairly trivial I know but just goes to show how even the most outwardly "normal" wench can come a cropper and cause some grief.

** Long time lurker / first time poster ** No lame phallic metaphors apart from yes, length a little long, but width is the true star.
(Wed 22nd Nov 2006, 3:03, More)

» Random Acts of Kindness

Had one just now!
sitting out the front terrace having a cold one waiting for the next load of washing to finish while watching the sun go down on a lovely Auckland evening...I go into the kitchen to get a refill and notice a woman cooking down our shared drive. She catches my eye and says "is this yours?" She was holding up one of our three dogs - a two month old Chihuahua who was out on the busy road - the silly bugger. Win! as I would be dead if the wee mite had been bowled.

Usually I like to help lost folk that kind of thing. Had a funny incident once after an All Blacks v England game here in Auckland. leaving the ground full of ra ra as we'd won again vs those rotters from our Antipodes, walking up the hill and a short stocky bloke all of a sudden trips right in front of me amongst the thousands of people around. He was either heading for some well grazed hands and knees (he was coming downhill) in the least our maybe a munted schnoz.
Yours truly made a blinding side step to my left and caught the bloke nicely without any strain. gave him a right good cuddle. :)
a few people clapped - which is very abnormal behavior if you're familiar with dour kiwi types. nice!
(Fri 10th Feb 2012, 7:31, More)

» Books

Time to unlurk..
Michel H. as below is well worth reading - even his novellas.

Martin Amis - Money - is always guaranteed to get people's backs up. The wife couldn't take it and gave up after 50 pages. Note that this was in direct contradiction to my oft-stated rule of giving any book 100 pages to prove itself before you turf it.

Richard K. Morgan for sci fi esp Altered Carbon. a very good debut indeed.
Keen on Iain M. Banks as well in terms of modern SF bit find the Culture series get a little samey.

I second Bill Bryson for travel books and general thoroughness. Esp Short History.

American Psycho - Bret Easton Ellis - is another great modern read and another likely to piss others off esp if they take the misogyny seriously. One book where the film did it justice.

Non-fiction? try Natural Navigator (can't remember the author right now). very well written and brilliant to really clarify stuff like how the hell did navigating by the stars work for the early civilizations.

Righto, will have to go through the library lending list to see what other gems I've had over the years.
(Fri 6th Jan 2012, 6:15, More)

» Mistaken Identity

then followed that up by being misidentified and taken. Went home with a right good time girl. fun!
(Tue 5th Jun 2007, 11:48, More)
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