b3ta.com user Jimmy Splash
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» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

i followed through in WHSmiths
(Fri 28th Mar 2008, 11:23, More)

» Tales of the Unexplained

The Lost Pot Noodle
when i was younger and living with my dad, i came home pissed up one night and decided to make a snack. my dad was in bed so i had to tiptoe around the kitchen in order not to wake him and get a good crack round the head. i made a beef and tomato pot noodle and went upstairs with it. i decided to have a slash before i got into my bedroom but the 15 thousand beers i'd had earlier made me lose my balance and fall in the bath. it was like an eternity trying to unwedge myself and stand up but when i finally did it, could i find the pot noodle? could i fcuk! i couldn't even find it in the morning. must have flown out of the skylight in the bathroom!
(Fri 4th Jul 2008, 7:59, More)

» Crap meals out

fish and shits
as you do, i bought myself fish and chips, after moving into a new flat. it was opposite a chip shop so not far to go. the fish looked soggy and tasted rank but i ate it anyway. i had intense stomachache and extreme shits for a whole week because of it. when i was feeling slightly better i threw a rotten chicken carcus from my lounge window and it landed in the shop!!!!
(Thu 27th Apr 2006, 14:59, More)

» Teenage Parties

another story of vomit
during school term, a party was held at a popular lads house whilst his parents had gone out for the night. i proceeded to raid the exotic liquers cabinet and ended up with a pint of blue liquid with bite size sausages and peanuts in it. without much encouragement i necked it in one. tasted quite nice actually. spent the whole night spewing my guts up. parents came home early and gave us all a right old bollocking for being so young and pissed. i remember a lad barfing in the corner behind the sofa whilst the parents were screaming!
unfortunately, the father of the house died the next week. i hope it wasn't the shock of seeing completely out of control schoolkids in his house!
(Thu 13th Apr 2006, 11:19, More)

» In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces

In the Navy
I travelled 20 miles to Birmingham to visit the Navy Recruiting office and to join up for the rest of my life only to find it closed. I couldn't be arsed after that!
(Wed 29th Mar 2006, 12:28, More)
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