b3ta.com user Xstopher
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This is a picture of me. With a monkey on my shoulder. Hurrah!

(Old picture. The long hair doesn't exist anymore.)

Name: Chris

Age: 20

Occupation: Till monkey.

I live in Stockport, Manchester, UK. I enjoy music, reading, playing computer games, going to the pub with mates, spending time with the missus, etc.

I'm never really any good at filling these things in, so I'll leave it at this.

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Things to do before you die

I want
to visit Prypiat, Ukraine. The abandoned city near the site of the Chernobyl disaster.
(Fri 15th Oct 2010, 1:12, More)

» Best Films Ever

Has anyone seen Snakes On A Train?
Yes, that's not a typo, Snakes On A TRAIN.

I bought it for £3 in Woolworths when SOAP was in the cinemas.

It's by far the worst piece of shit I've ever seen.

Here's a summary:

- Woman gets cursed and her internal organs start to turn into snakes.

- Fella takes said woman onto a train from Mexico to L.A. to find a Shaman who can help her.

- Some bandits are also on the train, have various fights with fella while woman is coughing up snakes and then swallowing them again.

- Woman starts to turn into a snake, so train stops in the middle of nowhere, everyone gets off. Snake/woman proceeds to grow about 100ft tall and eats train, then a tornado appears and sucks her up.

The End.

P.S. I do realise this QOTW is 'Best Films Ever' but I wanted to know if anyone else has seen this abomination
(Tue 22nd Jul 2008, 16:21, More)

» Shoplifting

I work as a stockroom monkey in my local branch of Next.

Over the last few days we've had about £400 worth of stock going missing. Kids clothes under a certain age are not allowed to be security tagged, for some reason, and some bugger has been coming in and stealing clothes.

Day 1: They take a whole size range (about 11 items) of a certain design of girls top.

Day 2: Next thing to go missing, is the whole size range of matching jackets.

Day 3: Whole size range of pants to go with the tops/jackets.

I'm not working now until Monday but I'm just wondering how much else is going to go!
(Sat 12th Jan 2008, 14:28, More)

» Sleepwalking

"Check the configuration settings..."
My girlfriend was mumbling in her sleep, so I asked her what was up.

Answer? "Check the configuration settings"

What the hell?

She's also punched me in the face numberous times in the course of the night.
(Fri 24th Aug 2007, 9:17, More)

» How clean is your house?

I have a pet lizard
I feed it mealworms. After a while, mealworms turn into a pupae(sp?) and then into a beetle. I was putting the mealworms into a container to dust them with calcium powder, when I knocked the container over. Mealworms all over the floor. I managed to collect them all and feed them to the lizard.

Or so I thought.

About 2 weeks later, I'm getting ready for bed, and spot something on my pillow. It's a mealworm beetle. Turns out I hadn't cleaned up as thorough as I though I had. I managed to get it in some tweezers and dropped it in the vivarium. Lick the gecko enjoyed his beetle.
(Thu 25th Mar 2010, 23:29, More)
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