b3ta.com user vampyre_gem
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Customer: Copy centre? Is that new? I've not seen that here before...

Staff: I'm not sure sir, it's been here ever since I've worked here.

Customer: Oh, how long have you been here?

Staff: Four days.

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Sexism

Stereotypical nonsense
Being of the 'fairer' sex there are some things that are somewhat expected of me.

To be obsessed with utter shite such as xfactor, I'm a z list desperate sleb, and Eastenders. I am proud to say I've never watched any of the above. I don't intend to either.

To want to get married and have babies. £10k on one day? and for what? So great aunt Mildred can have a coronary and Uncle Derek can start a fight? Don't even get me started on babies. I love my nieces and nephews but I'm happy to give them back if crying or pooping occurs!

Sales shopping. ARGH! Enough said

I don't however get angry if a guy holds a door open for me. It's polite and makes me feel happy. It's nice if a guy offers to pay but I don't expect it, I earn my own money and I don't believe I should be paid for at every turn. Women and men are programmed differently and yea you're gonna get a bunch of cocks who think they're gods gift. But also you get a bunch of back stabbing two faced bitches who spead malicious rumours about you behind your back.

*insert length reference*
(Wed 30th Dec 2009, 7:34, More)

» Being told off as an adult

Cat Lady
A few weeks ago I was parking the car on the pavement in front of our house. As usual the retard cat from next door had conveniently placed itself in front of the car.

Commenting to my partner and his friend I said 'One of these days I'm going to run over that cat' a few seconds later a woman appeared a few doors down and said 'EXCUSE ME. Don't you think it's a little mean to say that about someone elses cat?' followed by a torrent of abuse about how I should grow up.

Of course my partner stood there like a stunned animal leaving me to stand up for myself (which is out of character for me) she eventually got bored and slammed the door shut. Every time I see/hear that cat I have visions of kicking it under her car just to get back at her.

(Fri 21st Sep 2007, 6:06, More)

» More Pet Stories

Our cat HATES our dogs
But one day while we were out for an evening of over-priced entertainment they worked together. It was around this time last year, just before Valentines. I had stored a rather large slab of chocolate from one of these posh chocolate shops on top of our wardrobe to present to my betrothed for the afore-mentioned corporate-inspired holiday.

Sometime after we left, the cat swanned in through the cat-flap and was promptly chased up on top of the wardrobe by the dog, knocking said bar of chocolate down as he fled for his very life. The dog, no doubt thought xmas had come early and devoured all but a small piece. Upon our return we found one very square dog and were treated to chocolate smelling vomit for the following 10 hours.

The poor thing has the dog equivalent of IBS, and sometimes he surprises himself at the smells that emanate from his back passage.

Edit: The cat is a tough bastard, he's twatted both dogs on the nose more than once for merely sniffing him. Also, we did contact the vets regarding the dog's chocolate eating addiction, and it turns out dark chocolate is more poisonous.
(Wed 6th Feb 2013, 9:44, More)

» My First Experience of the Internet

We got the internet...
in 1997, practically in its retirement compared to most of you. It was dial up and I was allowed 1 hour on a Saturday morning. Yahoo was the first site I ever went on, heading into their chat rooms and the first thing I was ever asked was 'how big are your tits?'.

I also remember steak and cheese and rotten and watching pictures load *really* slow, Geocities and their shiny GIFS that took an age to load.
(Fri 23rd Mar 2012, 13:47, More)

» Devastating Put-Downs

Similar to the story by Mind Bleach
I like to think I'm of the open-minded minority of the population. I enjoy learning, and when I encounter anyone who's religious beliefs differ to my own I often enjoy a good discussion about it.

However, I loathe being preached to, or having the God-botherers ram fire and brimstone down my throat. This day was not unlike most others, after all I live in Wales. It always rains, and excitement is a word that isn't often brought up in the local rags. I was walking down the highstreet in Bangor, when I happened to see a suited religious person heading my way.

Usually, my appearance, and the fact I enjoy crossing roads to avoid sales people (I know it's their job. I used to do it, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone) but this person was heading towards me like an unstoppable locomotive rammed with Christian joy(other religions are available). He barely had a chance to open his mouth, and I'll never know where my retort came from as I'm useless when it comes to clever and witty responses. Out it came "no thanks, I'm a satanist."
(Wed 30th Nov 2011, 11:05, More)
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