b3ta.com user fivetide
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» Sex Toys

Do not, having strategically placed a sex sheep in the chair of a welsh colleague, under any circumstances attempt to measure the orifice of said sex sheep with a ruler.

They are longer than 30cm so our ruler was in danger of being swallowed.

Also, when you try to retrive your ruler you give the thing a prolapse and no-one will volunteer to tuck away the clock springs as it were.

(Thu 17th May 2012, 14:26, More)

» Customers from Hell

Location Specfic
I work at a place where we get lots of businesses phone in so we always ask 'where are you phoning from?'

If it isn't a business they usually say 'it is about xyz client' or something so you can sort them out faster.

However you do get the odd one...

"Can i speak to Joanna please?"

"Who can i say is calling?

"John Smith"

"And where are you phoning from?"

".....the front room."


(Thu 4th Sep 2008, 17:28, More)

» Debt pron

I don't have too many issues with finance, being rather poor as a child taught me a lot about the value of money and having to work for it, that said i have 3 credit cards at the moment (although i only use one and pay off the balance each month it is just for online purchases).

Anyway, i registered a card i don't use (and is still at my parents address not my own house i bought a few years ago) to register for PayPal. since i don't really trust it and reckon its a bit of a con i usually send cheques, for once i didn't and paid £2.04p for something.

Picking the bill up 3 days after the payment date i went in and paid cash. Next month i get a bill for £2.06p

Called up HSBC and explained i'd paid the bill and had they recieved my £2.04p? The confirmed they had but said i owed them 2p interest!

They weren't having any of it the tight gits so i paid it over the counter.... with a cheque. Apparently it costs the bank a good few pence to process a cheque so that'll learn em!

Not expecting to make a huge dent in the profits but the cashiers face when i wrote a cheque out for 2p was priceless.

(Fri 24th Nov 2006, 13:25, More)

» Body Horror

Adrenaline is brilliant
but, if you should ever fall off a motorbike and feel a slight sting in the hand and upon removing your glove notice that your middle digit looks "a bit wonky" under no circumstances grab the end and pull in an attempt to straighten it.

That is all.
(Thu 11th Jul 2013, 15:53, More)

» B3TA Most Haunted

Creeping myself out
Now, I admit I have an open mind to these things but one particular incident really did spook me out.

a mate was showing me round their new house (rented and shared accomodation) and I have to say I wasn't taken with the place. It felt.. weel strange for want of a better word. Still it was dark and rubbish outside so I put it down to that.

Anyway, there was one room left to look at on the second floor. As I put my hand on the handle to open it I could see exactly what was in the room. It was as though someone had shown me a picture really quickly and took me back. My mate behind me actually asked me what was up so it must have been obvious something wierd was going on.

I explained the above and pushed the door open for fear of looking like some sort of ghost fearing wuss and it was exactly as I had seen. A room empty bar one chair, small wooden one at an angle to the window as though someone had been sitting their and looking out.

Ok not the scariest story in the world but nothing I could explain and soemthing that has made me keep the aforementioned open mind.

(Wed 19th Sep 2012, 14:37, More)
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