» Running away

When I was a wee nipper...
I decided to run away from home, my father worked most of the time and never saw him and his wife (my step mother) who still to this day a complete and utter fucking bitch absolutely hated me and still to this day does.
When I did a bunk I ended up in the back of someones garage laid against the wall covered with plastic and god only knows what trying to keep warm, truth be told I was bloody freezing and as you would be. During the early hours the guy who lived in this particular place ended up coming home (but not seeing me as I was pretty well covered), drives his car into the garage and nearly squishes me against his wall, I ended wallking the streets trying to keep warm which was my mistake as the old plod spotted me probably wondering what a 12 year old was doing walking the streets and they ended up taking me to the station and then eventually home... Ran away several times after that which ended up pretty much the same, still moved out of home at 15 for good... RESULT!!
(Mon 14th Aug 2006, 11:39, More)

» Restaurants, Kitchens and Bars... Oh my!

Never ever piss off a chef...
When I was younger up till about 19 i lived around the catering industry due to my old mans line of work and as a result helped out in kitchens from an early age and regrettably went to work in them (not now thank god, not that it is a bad job, just grossly underpaid).

I worked at a hotel in leeds about ten year back when our manager comes in an hour or so after last orders when we had finished cleaning up and were ready to go home. Twat manager orders head chef to do duck al la ronge with x y z, head tells manager not a chance and twat bag manager says in no uncertain terms food or your job...
Head proceeds to start cooking said food and then starts snorting back the biggest greenie ever and spits it in the sauce, head for sheer cheeck value takes the food out to the customers and gives it them. Comments when the plate came back empty... Compliments to the chef.
Same place again, they used to have a guy come and do pot washing duties,sat there drinking his 24 pack he'd bring in with him while working, real nice friendly fella but stunk to high fucking hell, why? Had a colostomy bag, one day is walking around kitchen and somehow the contents of his crap bag end up all over the floor, never seen people scarper so fast...
(Mon 24th Jul 2006, 13:14, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

Messed Up
Woot first post so be kind....

Back when I was 16 I rented a back to back terrace house which to say the least was creepy as f**k. Me and my mates would sit there day after day drinking getting stoned like the little louts we were...
The house was a very dark interior and looked like it hadn’t been decorated for at least a millennia, imagine york dungeons and your half way there. My mates and I were convinced the house was haunted and my flat mate and his girlfriend even claimed to have seen the ghost of an old woman at the top of the stairs just outside his bedroom.. creepy...

Anyhow one night pretty late on myself and a mate after a hard day smoking sat there watchin telly decided that now was about time to drops a few tabs of acid each... Beltin!! We start coming up and before long we are for the lack of a better word off our tit's.
Shortly after we really came up on the stuff a movie come's on the telly, quality we thought Poltergeist on acid this should be ace... Actually no, the film well and truly fucked our heads up for the night, we jumped at everything and basically shat ourselves stupid so by the end of the night we were 2 dribbling twitching wreck's convinced that if we even so much as put a foot on the floor we were gonna get sucked into oblivion whereby ghosties and ghoulies would claim us as there own using us as their love slaves? Not sure how that work’s but what can you do..

Moral of the story... Never watch poltergeist on a head full of acid...
(Tue 25th Apr 2006, 10:24, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

Ouch... That had to hurt....
Okay so not me hurting my rude bits but rather me hurting someone else's...
When I was a kid (about 8 or something?) for some reason I turned to my then best mate and came out with the line that some of you may recognise "look into my eye's", when he did i very quickly kneed him full on in his betty swallox. He ended up on the floor bloody quick as you would in all fairness struggling to breathe while at the same time trying to cry. I found this highly amusing while his dad who was watching from across the road didn't so much. Yeah I know wasn't nice but I was only a kid at the time.

Another thing that springs to mind is a lad (who we shall refer to as Gaz) that we knew of who had a real nasty accident. He was playing footy one day when some other kids came along and for whatever reason the ball ended up in the tree, well Gaz climbed the tree threw his ball down but as he did lost his balance and fell out of the tree, unfortunately for him there was some sort of spiked fence right under him, from what I heard at the time fell on fence, fence impaled testicle. Testicle came off or was removed? and artificial one put in its place. Did see him one time after that at the swimming pool where I asked him if he had an artificial one to which he replied "no it's plastic"...
(Fri 14th Jul 2006, 11:41, More)