b3ta.com user Mister B
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Profile for Mister B:
Profile Info:

Name: Craig Birnie

21 year old Male living in Newcastle Upon Tyne.

I dance like no-ones watching, because if i'm drunk and i have my eyes closed then you can't see me.

I beatbox in the shower, when i'm nervous, when i'm bored and sometimes all three at the same time.

I watch American Idol when no-one else is in the flat then i spend all evening singing at the top of my voice until i hear the neighbours walk past outside.

I only ever start fights I can finish, the same goes with books and food.

I love to meet new people, and have their first impressions slowly shattered to reveal the waste of time underneath.

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Well, that taught 'em

Number 4
Last one folks, sorry I'm being a bit of a QOTW whore this week after having been away for the last few...

Playing rugby for my local club one weekend i was threatened by a member of the opposing team coming out of the tunnel, something to do with what he had done to my girlfriend the previous night.

As luck would have it, the ball went sailing in his direction at the kick off (i may or may not have had a part to play in that), so i dutifully made my way towards him at high velocity and put in the most horrifically brutal tackle i could muster.

Let me tell you, the feeling of someones bone snapping beneath your body is gut wrenchingly horrible. Anyway, i stood up silently, kicked him in the mouth and sauntered away to the action.

Ambulances were called, parents on the touchlines screamed bloody murder at yours truly (the kick to the mouth was in plain sight) and careers were possibly ruined.

I didnt have a girlfriend at the time but that taught him.

Click "i like this" if you're violently wretching right about now.
(Thu 26th Apr 2007, 21:39, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

I suggest we turn this into a new socially interactive QOTW
I call for B3tans everywhere to leave a B3tan "tag" on a local; wall, toilet cubicle, dirty car, shaved in the side of a kitten whatever...

- I think, inkeeping with the greatest of B3ta bandwagons the words "fluffeh teim" would be the best tag to use -

and any fellow B3tan who later stumbles across said graffiti should post it in the QOTW.

Who's with me?!
(Fri 4th May 2007, 2:48, More)

» Other people's diaries

number 3
Last winter my pc crashed and as it was still under warranty I sent it away to be completely overhauled. This left me in a bit of a pickle regarding university work but I managed to bribe my flatmate (with weed and JD, much more effective than money!) into letting me use his.

Possibly not my smartest move, as i managed to lose a powerpoint presentation i had downloaded and had to go searching through all his files for it.

I eventually found it in a folder marked with a spanish phrase (which i now know to be "Private, fuck off") among several pictures and movies of his then gf, monthly compiled sex diaries and movies of various rude things he liked to watch on the internet.

I read a good few months of his comments on his almost daily masturbation and the infrequent visits from the gf and other girls at university. Ther was only one phrase that stuck in my mind, as I've mentally blocked every other memory of the experience out....

"shame [name of gf] was on the rag but least we tried somethin new, chucked all the tampons and shitty condoms into skip outside after [monsieur_flange] nearly found them in bin, told her about it she suggested askin him to join next time, bought more lube"

Apologies for, well, just clicking "post this message" really.
(Sun 4th Feb 2007, 8:56, More)

» My Arch-nemesis

My arch nemesis,,,,
...was a lad that I first met when I came up to uni, he was less awkward than me, got put in a better flat in University Halls than I did, slept with two girls that I really genuinely liked ruining the thought of them for me. He just always seemed to be doing better than I was and would pop up to unknowingly rub it in my face at the worst possible moment. We lost touch for a year or two when he moved into a better house than me with nicer people...

I say he was my arch nemesis because a few years ago I started gradually getting my own back. I started working for the same Leisure company as him and was soon promoted to his level, which he did not like after being able to make my working life hell for a good few months. Things got better when he got caught giving away stock and I was promoted above him in his place thanks to his misedemeanours.

After eventually gaining his promotion, and being sent on the relevant courses to gain the legal licenses required we were even once more (damn!) and he started gradually doing better than me (double damn!)

He continued to generally piss me off for about a year until last month he got fired for getting drunk and relieving himself in the service yard at work - on CCTV. Most of the staff believe he has resigned and worked a short notice due to family and financial reasons... I know the truth, I also know that he is 26 and back living with his parents with no job!

Muaahahahaahaahaha! Arch Nemesis defeated.

Length: About 6 years, and then probably around 6 inches which got him into trouble!

ps. Click I like this if you think I should tell the staff the real reason he "resigned"
(Mon 3rd May 2010, 1:31, More)

» Cars

Motorway Madness!
Picture the scene....

...3:40am on a Weds, the beginning of January, perfectly clear night - somewhere on the A1 between Wetherbey and Durham and Mister B is driving home to Newcastle after a jaunt down to the parents house for Birthday shenanigans....

...The countryside is pitchblack, young Mister B hasnt passed a car, van, lorry or truck in miles and an idea starts to form in his mind....

...after convincing himself for several minutes Mister B slips the car out of gear and allows it to coast down to a halt, in the middle lane of a deserted A1, in near pitch darkness and total silence apart from the low dull buzz of the nearest dimly lit streetlamp...

...He puts on the handbrake and shuts off the ignition...

...throws open his car door...

...does a quick lap of the car....

...dives back in the driver side door, starts up the engine and continues the rest of his journey uneventfully.

Once in a lifetime opportunity - tell me you wouldn't have done the same.

length: A 360mile round trip PLUS the circumference of a Freelander!
(Wed 28th Apr 2010, 0:54, More)
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