b3ta.com user mcspannered
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» Terrible Parenting

well she wasn't a bad parent, by any means, but the highlight (or lowlight ..whatever) for me was when i'd yelled back at her after she told me off for something

she got the wooden spoon out the kitchen draw, told me to bend over, then hit me with it.

next thing i know im on the floor and my mums pissing herself laughing. i then look over and see the handle of the said spoon on one side of the floor, and the spoon bit the other side.

yes. she'd hit me that hard she'd broke the wooden spoon..

she was laughing so much she couldn't stop to tell me to go to my room..

*sob* o so mean mother. i wasn't laughing...
(Thu 16th Aug 2007, 20:07, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

liberation my arse
posted in the ladies loo of an un-named big retail company in Shrewsbury

"We are the Peoles front. We demand 1hour lunches"

and under that

"and spelling lessons"
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 23:24, More)

» Will you go out with me?

two girls, one lift
went drinking with a friend (named as b) back on leave from the army, we ended up a little gigglely after a bottle of wine each, no problem there what-so-ever.

i kinda had a boyfriend at the time, (lets call him x)an excuse for a man, soppy, nieve and one of those iritating christians who try to convert strangers over a pint. need i say more, he was a sympathy date, who i was only with to keep the family happy, as "he was such a nice boy"

x came down to the pub, pissing most people off with his, "where do you think your going when you die" routine so i go outside for a sneaky fag (he didn't know i smoked) and started talking to a gorgeous sweet bloke (who we'll call c) who looked a mix between johnny depp and mackenize crook (yes i know, odd, but i thought phwoar!!)

b from the army comes over, turns out she knows this bloke (c) whos now rolling a fag for me (sweet, i know).

he knew her from a few years back when she was best friends with c's best mates girlfriend. and all those years ago, b got very drunk with her friend and ended up getting a little jiggy infront of both the boys..

so c starts off the conversation, mentioning the incident that had happened, promting b to retort back that she still was slightly swayed by women (as was I now, apparently) and that me and her were actually planning a porn movie, in a lift.

hot, sweaty, hardcore sex between to v hot girls (well, im hot anyway), describing in explicit detail what we were going to do to each other, what camera angles would be used, the whole shibang.

needless to say, he was hooked. found me on facebook and started the beautiful romance. finally found the reason to leave the christian too!

so yeah, i pulled my now current boyfriend with porn!

(i actually found out from c's mate who was there at the time, that when he first saw me at the bar he thought i was the most beautiful girl he'd seen in a long while, and was determinded to get me somehow anyway...)
(Sat 30th Aug 2008, 15:12, More)

» Pet Stories

wheres the turnips..?
had a rabbit when i was about 3. called it stuart..aka 'stu the rabbit'

my mother said that i've never actually lost the sick sense of humour i had as a child.

sad really
(Sat 9th Jun 2007, 20:05, More)

» The Weird Kid In Class

where the hell do i start?? growing up in a welsh slash wanna-be-welsh english town caused lots of kids to develop certain problems..

VK, who went red and cried every time someone spoke to her. And then after she'd stop crying, she go and press her face against the window making faces at passing strangers.

SA, who in a maths class started wanking under the table. we found this out because the fat twat sitting next to him yelled out "miss" 'e's making me touch 'is thingy!". was called "s____wankalot after that until he moved schools. he said he was off to a posh tech school, and was never heard of again.

AL, who wet himself nearly every day, so smelt dam awful. he claimed that it was just a normal smell and that he liked it, hense why he never washed. really clever though, i think he's a maths genius of something now. anyhoo the school bullies (if they happened to pick on you that day) would force you to sit in his chair for 5 mins. arseholes

final one: the sister of AL. a really small nip of a girl with nits. one day came out of the toilets. someone then made the mistake of going in after her. literally, and i swear, you could of drowned in the stuff. it looked like thick soup, but brown, and came to the first rim of the toilet itself. know one could understand how someone as small as her could of produced something of that volume
(Sun 21st Jan 2007, 17:26, More)
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