» My first experience of porn

Mentally scarring
Once, while partaking of a kickabout with some schoolyard chums of mine, the ball rolled off into a rough patch of grass..

The lad who went after the ball discovered a pornographic magazine. HOWEVER. I was througherly confused, as the ladies had penises..

It was a transexual porn mag. It was especially confusing, as according to the book on sex education my parents had bought me when I was younger (when I asked, "where do babies come from?" my mum said she couldn't lie to me ) women didn't have penises..

Haha. Ah well.
(Thu 25th Jan 2007, 23:47, More)

» Barred

Barred
I was once barred from every single bar and club in Lincoln in one night.

Basically, after some taxing Uni exams, at 11 oclock in the morning, we decided to engage in that age old student pastime that is known as the 'all-dayer'

We set off into town and discovered a bar that sold £1.60 pints of Carling all day, every day. So in there we sat, eventually playing drinking games with pitchers of cocktails (never a good idea)

I eventually around 6 oclock I had to return to my flat to fetch my passport (I don't drive, so it's my only form of ID) and I walked back with my mate, who ran into his missus (who promptly put him to bed as he was fucking ruined by this time). I decided to visit my then girlfriend, who instead of sobering me up, made me a nice, strong vodka and coke..

We journeyed back to town, and met up with the rest of the lads who'd continued drinking. The evening went downhill in terms of conduct from there, with pints being spilled etc.

I then spied two rather fetching looking small trees in the window of the bar in which we were sitting... and decided to rip all the branches and leaves off them and stick them in my front and back pockets. We then decided to go to a club, being as we were heroically drunk..

.. as we were leaving the bouncers stopped me for obvious reasons, and I decided it'd be a great idea to go "I'm terribly sorry..." and throw all the branches/leaves at the pair of bouncers.. and run off down the road, swifty followed by the rest of my group

We later tried to get into a club but the bouncer there kindly told us "You won't get in anywhere for a while, you got caught on CCTV causing descruction of property, all the bouncers in this town have orders not to let you in"


I got in the week after, fuck knows how..

And yes, I know I'm a twat for doing it.. seemed like a great idea at the time.
(Thu 31st Aug 2006, 13:45, More)

» Barred

Come to think of it, I remember another one..
Myself and my friends are banned from the poshest hotel in Canterbury..

It was the night we'd been given our A level certificates, and had been drinking free wine most of the evening.. getting battered in nice suits is always fun. Anyway, we went clubbing afterwards, and as it was my last night before I went back to uni..

... we decided to stay in a hotel. Cue us, drunken 18yearolds, blagging our way past security.. only to realise we couldn't actually get anywhere without keys - so we slept in the breakfast room, on the sofas. A couple of us pissed in the corners as well, since we didn't know where the loos were - CLASSY

Anyway, we also discovered the cellar below the room, which was sadly empty, but hey. We woke up at 6AM, and stealthed our way out of the hotel.. only to be accosted by the manager - who asked us our names/room numbers.. I did some splendid lying, and weaseled out of it.

We got round the corner, and we looked at each other, said 1-2-3 and then pegged it.. with the sound of the manager shouting "I've got your faces on CCTV.. you won't get away with.." following us..

WOo
(Thu 31st Aug 2006, 18:33, More)

» Sexism

Maternity/paternity leave
Right, for one, I completely understand why women are paid less than men- from a company's perspective they are a time bomb, sooner or later, they will have children, and will potentially have a paid year off, while you will have to hire someone to do that job, temporarily, effectively doubling (or more) your payroll costs for that position. They may well decide to stay at home at the end of that year, again meaning a costly search operation, and the difficulty of replacing a trained and experienced employee.

Basically as far as I'm concerned it's perfectly fair to pay women less, it just factors in the potential risks, and costs.

Your employer is not a charity.

On the other hand, I don't think I'd take paternity leave as the pay/conditions are laughable, who really earns less than £200 a week these days?
(Sun 3rd Jan 2010, 23:22, More)

» School Trips

Geneva
At age 16, went on a physics trip to geneva, where it's legal to purchase alcohol at 16, no quibbles.
Cue going absolutely MENTAL in the city, ending up running round the red light district popping our heads into brothels and strip clubs, and shouting 'bonsoir!' and then popping out.

All was going well, until at one brothel I was accosted by a prostitute who literally DRAGGED me off to a private room, offering herself for 100 euros.. I declined saying I had no money, she was quite insistant...
I slipped out of her grasp and got out of the private room to find my friend asking of a large bouncer 'je cherche le harry', and on seeing me said 'le harry! au revoir' and we pegged it.

Cue running the fuck away from this massive bouncer, throwing piles of boxes over behind us to slow him down. We eventually lost him... thank fuck

:D
(Thu 7th Dec 2006, 15:49, More)