b3ta.com user Capt_Carl
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Wooo n stuff..

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» Out of my depth

Gods Teeth!
I've never told anyone this and thinking of it now still makes me cringe.

I was an Alter boy (no i never got fondled!) at my local parish church till I was about 7. I had no interest in it I just seemed to get roped into it.
Anyway I'd been doing this for about a year and I had to be the worst alter boy ever, I had no clue what I was meant to be doing I just copied everyone else.
This one day the organist chap who runs the altar boys services comes to me and asks me to do a special mid week service, "okay why not" says I.
I get dropped off on the day by my parents at which point I realise I'm the only one there.. as in the only alter boy.
All of a sudden I have no one to copy off.. Fear grips me! I don't know what the shit to do.
So I follow the priest out and sort of kneel.. I seemed to remember I was meant to do this..
What followed was a shambles of me droppping things and falling over.
There was also one point where I leaned over to the priest and explained "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!"
Sadly the father was microphoned and it was broadcast throughout the church.

I quit that very same day..
I still shudder on the very rare occasions that I enter a church.
(Fri 15th Oct 2004, 12:20, More)

» Crappy Prizes

Spelling competition at school
Let me regress you,
I'm 14 years old going to my nice Secondary school in Wigan.
There is a spelling competition in my english class, now I'm a good speller so I give it a crack. First prize was any vhs video of your choice (this was the days before DVD).
I did well in the competition but came a cropper in the 4th round.
The girl who won it was ecstatic as the head of English came to ask what video she would like.
She said "Grease". Fair choice I spose.
Two days later the head of English comes into our class to award her prize.
She hands over a blank video and tells her Grease is on tv this week so she'll be able to tape it on this and gives her a one pound coin as a bonus!

Wank. Glad I didn't win.
(Fri 5th Aug 2005, 10:01, More)

» Shame

At the Zoo
Ok so I'm at this zoo up north in the lake district, having a lovely day with my girlfriend.
As the afternoon wears on we wander down to the penguin enclosure.
Walking down the long wide path I see a group of 16-28(ish) year olds all acting the fools and walking funny.
I turned to my girlfriend and said quite loudly "Oh no! Who let the retards in!"...

As a few turned round I realised they were in fact actual retards...

Oh the shame.
(Mon 28th Nov 2005, 13:57, More)

» Jobsworths

Being ID'd
I'm currently 27, this happened when I was 24..
Now I did look a about 20 at the time but that still no excuse for this.

And I swear its completely true!

I'm in Sainsburys with my then girlfriend, she's doing some shopping for her mum.
We get to the cheese counter and they have a little booth with samples of cheese! (I'm notorious for just going to the supermarket for the free samples).
I spot a lovely stilton with Apricots mmmmmm, so I ask for a sample..
"Are you 16?"
"Are you 16 love? we only give samples to under 16's if they are with there parents."
"But, I'm 24."
"Do you have any ID?"

Not a word of a lie..
(Thu 19th May 2005, 13:11, More)

» My Wanking Disasters

Damnit so many stories.
I once Passed out in the shower during a marathon tug.
Woke up ten minutes later having pulled down the shower curtain. I swear it must have been like the scene in psycho.. but with White blood.
(Thu 3rd Jun 2004, 20:35, More)
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