b3ta.com user sinewriter
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Long time avid reader of QOTW, so I decided to join and share my testicle story.

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» Pet Stories

Dinkus the cat
This is my blind cat Dinkus.
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I rescued Dinkus from a mentally ill chap from a boarding house I got wind of from some staff at a homeless shelter.
He was'nt being feed properly and spent all of his life hiding under a bed.

When I got him home he was acting strange and nervy, but it was'nt until the next day that I realised he was blind.
A trip to the vet confirmed that he was born blind.
I'm not sure how the RSPCA had missed that when they sold the kitten to the guy.

Anyway, Dinkus likes to play outside, he knows the boundries of the yard so I let him wander around by himself.... he does'nt stray too far.

One day he was out and about doing whatever a blind cat does in a yard when I heard that meowing that every cat owner learns to panic from.

He strutted into the kitchen and deposited a small bird on the floor in front of me, meowing , and looking as proud as punch :)

I had a tear in my eye when this happened, I felt like the proudest parent in the world, and my Dinkus had finally become a man.

Well the bird was ok, just a bit spitty, so I let it rest in a shoebox until it was fit to fly off.

To this day I don't know how he caught it, but one theory is that he was yawning underneath his favourite tree and it slipped and fell into his gob.

I have two rescued Cockateils' as well but I'm not as fond of them.
One makes kissy noises and acts all cute then attacks your face, and the other has sex with dishwashing sponge while chanting "quick, Quickly"!
(Wed 13th Jun 2007, 14:28, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

The size of rockmelons
I was playing a game of football with my school mates in primary school.
I'd scored a goal, which was quite rare for me as I am not the most sporting kind of person and I was still 'high' from the goal I had scored.
While I was thinking about the awesomeness of my goal kicking skills I failed to see Neville, my arch nemisis infront of me lining up the ball for a killer kick.
Last thing I remember hearing is laughter.
All I really remember is a whitehot pain in the nadgers, everything going in slow motion...including the ground coming up to me at a fast pace, and losing my breath.

I scored a direct hit the testicles.

Now this was no ordinary hit, this was akin to a sledge hammer smashing down on an orange, I was in so much pain my headmaster had to carry me back to the classroom whilst I hyperventilated.

My mother was phoned with the good news that her son had become a eunuch and that she better get me to a doctor pretty fast.

While I was waiting for her to arrive, my testicles started to get bigger and bigger, like seriously huge.
To the point that I had to take my tighty whities off and keep my shorts unbuttoned at the top.

I limp to her car and get taken to the doctors, his first response was "Woah, I have never seen testicles that swollen before", which was really comforting for a 10 year old.

After he stuck a torch onto them to view the fluid build up in my balls, his advice to me was to take long hot baths to reduce the swelling, coupled with regular doses of asprin as it's a good anti-inflammatory.

Now this is where I just cringe everytime I think about it.

He also told me that if the swelling had'nt noticeably reduced in a weeks time that I would have to come back in and he'd have to, and I quote, "Drain the fluid with a syringe", and proceeded to show me the worlds biggest hypodermic needle.

I started to cry.

During that week I bathed pretty much all day in a hot bath and sneakily took asprin between doses.

My nuts went small enough not to drain them.

This was 19 years ago and I am overly cautious not to get my boys hit with anything these days.
(Wed 19th Jul 2006, 5:40, More)

» Running away

I should have worn my watch
When I was 15 myself and my best mate ran away from home as we had gotten into a bit of strife at school.
We only had school uniforms with us and our school bags, so we grabbed some overalls from a St Vincent de Paul donation bin to keep warm and went to sleep under newspapers on the roof of a shopping centre next to the street I lived on.

Having had a pretty rough sleep and no idea of the time, we headed down to the bus stop to have a smoke and work out what we were going to do....... and thats when the cops pulled us over.

They asked what we were doing there, and me being a bright fellow answered that we were waiting for the bus to goto work.

Unfortunately we had misjudged the time, we thought it was about 5am but it was only 1.30am lol So they ended up taking us home because our folks had rung them.

Pretty crap story really.
(Fri 11th Aug 2006, 14:05, More)

» When Animals Attack

Years ago I was living with an ex, she worked up the road at a convenience store, sometimes until quite late.

Now there were stray cats that used to float around the back of the block of shops, and unfortunately they bred and then there were heaps of kittens.
I felt pretty bad about it, as did she, so we would buy a few cans of food every now and then and put food out in the car park for them.

Turns out, and explains why they were so well fed, that the dude that owned the Chinese restaurant was leaving his scraps out for them (ha ha no jokes), as were other workers at the ex's shop.

These things were really timid, you couldn't get close to them at all, I always tried to coax them over, but they wouldn't have a bar of it.

Anyways, someone had alerted the council about the cat problem, and they started to set up traps.
We felt pretty bad about it, but for a week or so they managed to avoid getting themselves trapped.
We started to notice that the cat population was getting smaller and smaller, and that was when the ex decided she wanted a pet kitten.
A pet kitten to name Barnaby.

I wander down to her work just near closing time, around midnight, we lock up, and we go downstairs to see if any kittens are around, and we notice that there are a few trapped in one of the traps.

The ex decides on which one she wants and proceeds to open the trap.
At this stage I am starting to think this is a bad idea as the kittens were starting to panic.
She gets the trap open, grabs Barnaby, he goes stiff.

Then he shrieked. I swear to God he sounded like he was being slaughtered. I have only ever heard cats in cat fights scream this loud, but this was much worse than that.
It was so loud that the neighbours actually came out to see what we were doing.

At the same time Barnaby manages to twist his body 180 degrees and locks his claws into the ex. He spins one more time, screaming at the top of his lungs and manages to lock his teeth into her forearm.

By this stage I am absolutely pissing myself laughing, getting a bit worried about the noise that's being made. Somehow the ex managed to peel a flailing Barnaby off her arms and he shot through.

As we walked home we tried to see how much damage he did, but we couldn't see the wounds due to the fact her arm was covered in blood.
Absolutely shredded, and bruised really crazy over the next week.

I've seriously never seen nor heard anything like it.

Barnaby, where ever you are son, my hat goes off to you, you're quite possibly the most evil son of a bitch I have ever come across.

And you were a 10 week old kitten.
(Fri 25th Apr 2008, 13:23, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

I really don't like this thread
It makes light of animals that are getting hurt, and some of the posts are quite disturbing, especially the ones where people have tried experiments to see if the animal will die.
(Fri 7th Dec 2007, 3:26, More)
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